The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great
by Willowwind Adurois
Summary: Dunno where this one came from. Basically Bakura's journal as he plots to take over the world. Very weird. Ch. 16 up!
1. Chapter One

**A/N:**

**Willowwind: **The start of a new ficcie…what fun!

**Legolas: **Or…not.

**Willowwind: **Anyways, not really sure where this came from, but…well…read and enjoy, and don't forget to review! Whee! My first ficcie that isn't being co-authoressed!

_Disclaimer_: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or it's characters. But then, you knew that, didn't you?

_Warnings_: Er…extreme stupidity? I'm not too good at warnings….

**_The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great  
_Chapter One**

Hello, mere mortal. I am Bakura the Great. Or I will be when I succeed in my plot to take over the world. Until then, I am just Bakura, but that doesn't matter, because I have _such_ a great plot, there is absolutely no way that I will _not_ take over the world. I bet you're wondering what the plot is, right? Well, let's just say it involves a lot of a-bombs and gunpowder. It is such a good plan, it only has one flaw: I don't _have_ any a-bombs and gunpowder, and Ryou-baka won't let me get any. He thinks I would hurt somebody with it. He might be right, but it would only be for the good of this earth. And believe me, this earth needs change. _Bad_. So I thought that I would be the one to bring it, since no one else is.

Why does this earth need change so badly, you ask? Well, I didn't realize it either, until hikari finally let me out of the house, and took me along with him to get some lunch and run a few errands. He probably wouldn't have taken me if I hadn't flooded the house the last time he left me alone. Once we were out of the house, I immediately noticed several problems with society:

1) There are too many people on this earth. With how cramped everything is, I'm surprised that we haven't broken into nuclear war just to get a little more elbow room. When I'm ruling earth, the first thing I'll do is kill over half the population. This will give everyone more space, and will also help to get rid of the stupid people.

2) What is with those post thingees? Whenever the light thing on them is red, everyone stops! When I rule the world, _no one _will take orders from a light post thingee.

3) When Ryou took me to some restaurant, I don't even remember what it was called, we both ordered steak sandwiches, and I asked for mine _rare_. And when I got it, guess what? _The outside was BROWN_! The outside of rare steak should not be brown. When I rule the world, _everyone_ will know the difference between _rare_ and _medium. _Also, when we were getting the food, my hikari _paid _for everything! And no one thought this was odd! I mean, do people actually make the serious mistake of _paying_ for everything still? When I rule the world, that will be the first thing to go.

4) I was facing a window when we sat and ate, and the people who drove by the restaurant would always stop and talk to a post! Every last one of them did that! And Ryou didn't think it was weird! When I rule the world, NO ONE will be stupid enough to stop and talk to a post. It's not like it can talk back….

5) When I laughed at the people who were talking to the post, my oh-so-innocent hikari whacked me over the head with a tray! When I rule the world, NO ONE will whack me over the head with a tray. And if they do, I will whack them back. With something a little heavier than a tray, might I add.

6) After lunch, we went shopping, and we ran into the pharaoh's midget in one place. And I couldn't help but think, 'society accepts him, and he has hair like _that_?' When I rule the world, I will force everyone who I didn't kill off with weird hair to shave it all off, and then wear a sign that says 'Praise your ruler for making me shave off my weird hair', or some other such slogan.

7) When we _finally_ got home, Ryou wanted to take a shower, so he told me not to touch the phone or open the door while he was busy. So, naturally, when the phone rang, I picked it up. It was Ryou's girlfriend, so I pretended to be my hikari, and I dumped her over the phone. I think hikari might be mad when he finds out. But that isn't the point right now. Someone knocked on the door, I opened it, because hikari told me not to, and it was this stupid maniac person asking for money to support some hospital or other. When I rule the world, hospitals will be gone, and if you're stupid enough to get sick, you can suffer. Naturally, I told the person at the door this, and then I knocked him out with his own clipboard. So far, this has been a fairly pleasing day….

8) Ryou found out that I answered the phone _and_ opened the door while he was in the shower, so he made me clean the house. _NO ONE_ makes me clean the house and lives…except for hikari. I'm not _scared_ of him, but for some odd reason, I feel compelled to do whatever he wants when he glares at me. When I rule the world, I'll have servants to clean the house for me if hikari gets mad.

9)Ryou had some homework to do, so he was ignoring me. I don't like being ignored. So I set his work on fire to get some attention, AND HE MADE ME DO HIS HOMEWORK OVER AGAIN! I'm so misunderstood, it's scary. All I wanted was some attention! When I rule the world, everyone will understand me, and I'll always be the centre of attention, and everyone will love and respect me, and….

(HUGE scribble)

10) When I rule the world, hikaris will not be allowed to read over their yami's shoulder and then bang them over the head with a frying pan because of what they wrote.

-

**A/N: **

**Willowwind:** Short. And weird.

**Legolas: **Not surprising, seeing as how it's coming from you.

**Willowwind: **I'll take that as a compliment, my dear muse. Now everybody review, or I'll set Ryou with his evil frying pan on you! MUAHAHAHAHA!

**Legolas: **-.- Ignore her. She had sugar.

**Willowwind: **MWEHEEHEEHEE!


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N: **

**Willowwind: **(gasps) SORRYSORRYSORRY! I don't usually take this long in updating! And you've all been so nice and reviewed, too…. But, the truth is, I haven't had many ideas for this ficcie of late, and I still don't have very many, so this chapter will probably be a little shorter than normal. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO FEED ME SOME SUGAR!

_Disclaimer_: I own Yu-Gi-Oh! And the sky is green and pigs fly and it doesn't snow in Canada and I am perfectly sane and….

**_The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great_**  
**Chapter Two**

This morning has been perfectly depressing. Hikari woke up in a bad mood again, and that's when the problem started. He woke up too early, so he caught me as I was trying to put pink hair dye in his shampoo. I was doing that out of _pity_. My poor little hikari hardly gets any attention at school, and that's what I was trying to fix. I mean, he'd get PLENTY of attention if his hair was bright pink, right? That's another problem with this world: if you try to fix things, Ryou will chase you around the house five times with his metal spatula, then force you to use the dyed shampoo on _yourself_. That's right. My hair is now bright pink. And it will most likely be that way until I can find where Ryou put the bleach.

And that's at what point I am now, sitting on the edge of Ryou's bed while he has a shower (with new shampoo, might I add, so all of my trouble has gone to waste). Oh, he's getting out now, so here comes the lecture. More later.

_Later_

I'll just scribble a quick note here while Ryou isn't looking. He gave me a half-hour lecture about finding a hobby, and being mean, and something else. I don't know what it was, I was busy trying to think up a new sch- I meanpl- I mean..._idea _to get my poor hikari some attention. At the moment, I am sitting in my hikari's…moving metal thingee…on my way to his school. Yes, that's right. My hikari is making me go to school with him. AND MY HAIR IS STILL PINK. This will be the start of a bad reputation, I think. And as the future ruler of the world, I cannot afford to have a reputation like this. I must think up a way out of this…. Let's see…I could blackmail Ryou into letting me go back home, or retreating into my soulroom…but he never listens to blackmail, and he still has his spatula. So…any other ideas? I could just go into my soulroom without asking permission, but I have a bad feeling about that…hikari would probably take off the Ring and never let me out again. And…is he looking? I don't think so. Even if he was, he'd probably have trouble understanding all the intellect in here. He's not to bright. Hm, I wonder why he's taking out his spatula, I mean, the only reason I could think of would be to

(scribble)

Oh. Rats.

_During Class_

Yes, that's right. I am in my hikari's English class. Who needs to learn English? Why couldn't we learn something more interesting, like Egyptian? Now _there's_ a worthy language for studying. It's going on my list of 'Things to be Changed When I Rule the World'. Enough people speak English. We need some people educated in more _important _languages.

In other news, I'm beginning to get a bit nervous. Hikari is getting suspicious. His girlfriend wouldn't talk to him, for some _insane_ reason. I think he suspects me. And people are staring at my hair. When I see someone doing this, I use my death glare on them. None of them are dead yet, unfortunately. When I rule the world, my death glare will bring death to all! All, I say! BWAHAHAHA…is Ryou reaching for that spatula again? Well, it's no use. He'd get in trouble if he used it in class. I win again! BWAHAHAHA…hikari's glaring at me. Make him _stop_! Oh, yes, I forgot, you are only a stupid, cheap little book that I sto- I mean..._borrowed_ from a shop when I was out shopping with hikari. You can't stop his death glare.

Oh, now hikari is trying to tell me something through the mental link. Have to listen, hold on….

I am running away at lunch. And then I shall be beyond my evil hikari's grasp! But I can't, cause he won't let me! He's going to kill me! And that will be the end of the life of Bakura the Great, who had not yet risen to power! I'll never rule the world! This earth will never get the change it needs! Goodbye, life! It was nice knowing you!

_Lunch_

I have just realized something _brilliant_. I am a spirit. I am not alive. Hikari cannot kill me. I HAVE WON AGAIN! DO YOUR WORST! MUAHAHA…hikari's taking out that spatula again. Gotta run.

_Math Class_

I may be dead, but Ryou can still whack me with a spatula. I don't think that's very fair, do you? Oh, yes, you're just a stupid book. I should really stop asking your opinion. Oh, yes, and hikari has just figured out that I dumped his girlfriend for him. He explained everything to her, and now they're together again. My work has all been in vain. And now hikari is looking for me. But he will never find me. I am hiding under an empty desk. And…oh no, I think he's seen me. He's glaring at me. He's fingering the Ring. He's lifting the ring up. He's pulling the ring over his head, and

-

**Willowwind: **Need I explain the ending more?

**Legolas:** Maybe you should, some people might not get it.

**Willowwind:**Okay.When Ryou takes off theRing, the theory is that Bakura would be stuffed back into his soulroom, just like that. I don't know if it's true...I don't actually watch Yu-Gi-Oh, but I still love it anyways. (sigh)And to think, I wrote that and I _wasn't _on a sugar-high…so it's probably not as funny as the other one. I can't really tell. Too tired. Oh, and before you think of not reviewing, people, I would advise you to remember that Ryou has a new weapon….


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N: **

**Willowwind: **(sniffle) YOU GUYS LOVE ME! And I haven't updated for so long...I SOWWY! WAAAH! (tears) I HAD WRITER'S BLOCK! DON'T KILL ME! (runs away from mob, who are all chasing her with Ryou's evil spatula of doom)

_Disclaimer_: Don't own. You cannot sue me now. Muaha.

_Warnings_: Erm...VERYVERYVERY OOC characters? And when I say VERYVERYVERY, I mean VERYVERYVERYVERYVERY...

I'm going to do the 'replies to reviews' thing here, since you're all so nice. What? Stalling? No, of course not…what makes you think that? (shifty eyes)

**Hazel-Beka: **Evil Ryou and stupid Bakura…'tis fun!

**Waffles4eva: **WHEEEE! I LOVE YOU! Have a cookie. (holds out cookie)

**RainOwl: **I know. Weird, isn't it?

**Nachzes-Black Rider: **(sniffle) SORRY! For whatever it was I did...

**BlackCharmgirl: **(sweatdrops) Er, glad you liked it….

**scottishwolf: **Hehe, just WAIT AND SEE what I have planned as weapons for future chapters….

**Sami:** Don't worry, I like 'Kura' as much as the next person. I won't obliterate him. Kind of a weird thought, though….

**Hui Xie: **Thankies for the review! Your ficcie's good, too. Keep going!

**Neko Fujoshi: **Yes...green...shall have to remember that...

Thank you to the other reviewers who reviewed chapter one, whom I did not mention here.

Okay, now that I'm done stal-…I mean, REPLYING TO REVIEWS, let's start the ficcie.

Oh, yes, and _Bakura's journal writing will be appearing in italics_, as I'll be going into **Bakura's POV** in this chapter.

-

_**The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great**_

**Chapter Three **

_I was just reading over my past few entries, and I have realized that I've been stalling for way too long. Something needs to be done, and _soon._ So, I have decided to make a list of everything that I think should be done before I can take over the world, and then do everything on it...only at night, though, because Ryou might find out otherwise. So, here is my list:_

_1.Get rid of those red-lights-that-make-people-stop thingees on the streets. _

_2.Find the bleach so I can have white hair again_

_3.Get my hands on gunpowder, guns, and a-bombs so I'll be able to carry out my plan later_

_4.Find a partner who'll help me with this_

_5.Kill whoever's ruling the world now _

_That's pretty much everything I can think of. The list might expand if I think up new stuff. And yes, I do need a partner...perhaps they could get some a-bombs, and Ryou wouldn't be able to get at them! Hmm...who to choose, though? It needs to be someone who I don't hate, so that'll be difficult. I'll have to let them rule under me if they help me take over. But I don't have to worry about that until later. The first thing I have to do is get rid of those stupid street thingees. How should I do that? Oh, yes, I remember, no more asking your opinion. You're just a stupid book. I'll figure out how to do it later. But I have to hide you now...hikari just got home, and he wants me to help carry the groceries in. _

I closed the little, leather-bound book and stuffed it under my hikari's pillow, before running down the stairs at a breakneck pace. Ryou banned me from writing in my journal a week ago, and he might get mad if he figures out I've been writing in it again. Hmph, he always said that I should take up a hobby, and now that I did, he's telling me I can't do it. Anyways, as I raced down the stairs to help my oh-so-innocent hikari with the groceries, I tripped on something lying on the stairs and went hurtling down them. Only one thought ran through my head as I fell: 'Oh, so THAT'S how you do cartwheels...'

I landed at my hikari's feet at the bottom of the stairs. I looked up at him, and found him staring at me, one eyebrow raised.

"Yami, you weren't writing in that journal of yours again, were you?"

Mentally, I cursed. Perhaps he wasn't as stupid as he looked... "Er...no?"

"You better not have been. I'll check later. In the meantime..." he cocked his head towards the bag of groceries lying near the door. I rose to my feet, and made my way over to the bag.

Wait a moment. There was only one bag of groceries. And Ryou was holding something...but not the bag of groceries. "Ryou...WHAT did you get?"

My hikari smiled that innocent smile of his that always makes me want to puke. "Oh, just something I picked up at the pet store..."

"Oh. Okay." I grabbed the bag and started towards the kitchen before another thought hit me. "Erm...Ryou?"

"Hm?"

"We...don't _have_ a pet."

Ryou's smile broadened. "We do now." He reached into the bag, and pulled out its contents: a white wire cage...and inside...

"A BUNNY?"

Ryou was looking pleased with himself. "Yes. A bunny." Then his self-satisfied smile died. He put the cage down, and crossed the distance between me and him in three strides. He grabbed my shirt collar, and glared up into my eyes. "And if I wake up one morning to find him mutilated, bleeding uncontrollably...even _missing_..." He trailed off, reaching down into the bag I was holding, and pulling out something. He brandished it slightly above my head, and my eyes widened slightly with fear.

It was...a..._cutting board_!

(A/N: Muahahaha! Ryou's new implement of doom! Bwahahahaha...okay, I shush now.)

-

I had long since finished putting the groceries away, and I was now watching my hikari playing with his new pet, and trying to figure out a way to get rid of it and make it look like an accident. Ryou was oblivious to my glare, as he was cuddling the fluffy, white..._thing_, scratching it between the ears, and speaking to it in something that sounded a little too close to baby-talk for my comfort.

A few minutes later, he looked up and smiled, still not seeing my glare, then walked over to me and dumped the little furball into my arms. "Here, you can hold it!" I thought of dropping it, but Ryou was right there, and that...cutting board...was sitting on a counter near my hikari, within arm's reach. The little thing squirmed in my arms, then wriggled into them and fell asleep. Ryou smiled happily. "It _likes_ you, Yami!"

I held it out at arm's length, and dropped it into my hikari's arms.

"It needs a name," he mused, stroking it between the ears thoughtfully.

I tried to be helpful. "Bunnicula? Rabid Kuriboh? Fluffball of Doom? Hairball?"

Before I knew what was happening, I had been dealt a solid whack over the head with my hikari's new cutting board. I fell back into a sitting position...which _always_ hurts more than it looks like it does.

"Bakura, be _nice_. It needs a _real_ name. Hmm..." Ryou scanned around, presumably looking for objects to help him. His eyes finally came to rest on my hair.

"I know! We can name it Bakura, after you!"

I sweatdropped. "Er...why?"

"Because," Ryou almost giggled, "You have bunny ears, just like it! Although yours are pink now, instead of white..." He gestured to those peculiar pieces of hair sticking out of the top of my head.

I was back on my feet in an instant. "Those are _not_ bunny ears. Those are _bat wings_."

"No...they look more like bunny ears."

"Bat wings."

"Bunny ears."

"Bat wings."

"Bunny ears."

"Bat wings."

"Bat wings."

"Bunny ears."

My hikari smiled triumphantly as I mentally slapped myself. "There, now we both agree," he said, grinning, and, for a moment, I seriously considered throttling him, deciding against it at the last moment, when I saw the cutting board still in his hand. I turned and stormed over to my hikari's bedroom,and startedto slam the door, but stopped and shut it quietly when I remembered that slamming doors makes Ryou mad. I reached under his pillow and pulled out my journal, opening it to the page I had left off at. I began adding points to the list.

_6.Get someone else to bring in the groceries for me_

_7.Get someone to clean the stairs so I won't trip_

_8.Kill every last bunny on the face of this earth_

_9.Dye my bat wings black so my hikari won't call them bunny ears_

_10.Get rid of every last cutting board on the face of this earth_

_I really must find some way to get rid of that bunny of my hikari's. How am I supposed to rule anything when I have a BUNNY named after me? I'm supposed to get cities and countries named after me, but _nooo_, I get _bunnies_. I suppose I could try taking the bunny out into the backyard and setting him on the grass to eat, then running him over with the lawnmower...maybe that would look accidental enough...or I could slip poison into his food...or maybe put lettuce and him into the microwave and turn it on high for ten minutes...I could say I was microwaving my lettuce and I didn't know how he got in there...or maybe_

_(HUGE scribble) _

_It's that cutting board again. Gotta run. _

-

A/N:

**Willowwind:** I hope that was okay...

**Legolas: **Of course it was. (coughNOTcough)

**Willowwind: **Aww, you're just saying that. I thought it was kinda funny...

**Legolas: **(snort)

**Willowwind: **See, he thought so, too. HAHAHA THE PLOT BUNNIES ATTACKED—_LITERALLY! (_ahem) Yes, Ryou just got one of the plot bunnies. I'm really fond of these little guys... (grabs plot bunny and pets it)

**Plot Bunny: **(makes little squeaking noises)

**Willowwind: **(chibi smile) Aren't they cute? Anyways, review, 'cause if Ryou doesn't get you, Bakura the bunny will! See ya!


	4. Chapter Four

**Willowwind: **Hey, people! I'm back!

**Legolas: **Ilúvatar save us...

**Willowwind: **No, in case you were wondering, this is NOT a double update. I guess the author alerts weren't working when I posted chapter three...but it's been there for quite a while now... Congrats to my four faithful reviewers!

_Reviews: _

**Sami: **Oh, he isn't going to kill the bunny...just wait and see what I have planned! Will probably be in the next chappie. :raises eyebrow: Are you Canadian, by any chance? I don't know for sure, but Canadians seem to have this deep hatred for George Bush... So no, I am not offended in the slightest. I'm glad I'm not American too. Now I have a question for you: how is it that you've never even signed a review on this thing, much less added me to your author alerts or anything, and yet you somehow managed to be one of my four reviewers of last chapter? This is not making sense... Whoof, that was long...

**Hui Xie: **Well, I'm glad I made Sirius happy...I mean, I don't like Ryou's cutting board, either...and I wouldn't want to have another Bakura episode... Thankies for reviewing!

**Nachzes-Black Rider: **:grabs plot bunnies: **MY** plot bunnies! FIND YOUR OWN!

**Waffleseva: **Erm...it's a magic cookie that turns into whatever type of cookie its owner likes best...it was very chocolaty when I had it...but my yami said I couldn't eat it. Too much sugar. And I'll let Bakura know about your offer, but...the plot bunnies have something else planned, I think. Don't worry, I think you'll like it almost as much... Hold on! TINFOIL! That's not a bad idea... Unfortunately, it's a bit too thin to be used as a weapon... But I have a different idea. Mind if I borrow the tinfoil? Wouldn't fit into this chappie, anyways. (blinku) You changed your name. You got rid of the 4. Yes, I know that took a while...

**_Thank you so much to these faithful people! Cookies to all four of you! _**(Yes, **Waffleseva**, magic cookies again)

**Willowwind: **So...without further ado... LET THE FUN BEGIN!

**Legolas: **Heeeelp!

_Disclaimer_: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Maybe I could get Bakura to steal it for me...

_Warnings_: Besides more scary kitchen implements and a lot of characters who are OOC almost to the point of being AU? Not much.

Oh, yes, and journal writing will be in _italics_ again...

**_The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great_**

**Chapter Four**

I was being chased.

All around me, my enemies were closing in. I ran, only to be confronted by one or another of them. My legs felt like lead, but I pressed on, the sheer terror driving me. In the distance, I could hear a maniacal laugh. It was a laugh I had become all too familiar with...the laugh of my hikari. I continued to run, when something small and white flew at me from a shadowy corner. I fell, seeing the long ears of a bunny...

I groaned and got up, continuing my terrified retreat from those I knew only too well. Then I stopped. I had reached a cliff. I turned, to see my pursuers: the frying pan, the metal spatula, the cutting board, and, of course, the bunny that had taken my own name. Behind them, my hikari was grinning evilly at me.

A scream tore itself from my throat, and I stepped backwards, teetering on the edge of the cliff. Then, beside me, something materialized out of the darkness. I gasped.

_Salad tongs!_

"Bakuuura!" My hikari was calling me. I screamed again.

"Bakuuuuura!" It was growing louder.

"BAKUUUUUURA!" It was right next to me! I took a step backwards. I must get away from the sound! I swayed on the edge for a moment, before plunging into the darkness below me, giving one last despairing scream as I was lost from sight.

I woke up on the floor.

"_BAKURA!_" I looked up to see my hikari standing at the door. I sat up, and tried to look as dignified as possible, given the fact that sweat was pouring down my face and my eyes were approximately the size of Yugi's.

"Y-yes?"

"WHERE IS BAKURA?"

"I-I'm right h-here, R-Ryou..."

"NOT YOU! _THE BUNNY_!"

"He's...m-missing?"

"YES! AND IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHERE HE IS _NOW_..." My hikari trailed off. I glanced at his hand, and my eyes went even wider, if that is possible.

_It was the salad tongs from my nightmare! _

"B-but h-hikari, I d-don't know w-w-where he is!"

Ryou was glaring at me.

"I-I'm s-s-serious! I d-d-didn't do a-anything t-to y-your b-b-bunny!"

"Well, then, why's he missing?"

"I-I d-d-don't..."

"WHY WAS THE CAGE CUT OPEN?"

"T-the c-c-cage w-was..."

"Cut open. Yes. And I have a feeling that YOU'RE behind this!"

"M-m-me?"

"YES, YOU! WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?"

"U-um..."

"Now, let's try this again. WHERE IS BAKURA?"

"I-I'm i-i-innocent u-until proven g-guilty," I said, throwing out something I recalled the teacher saying to the class. Something about how the US government works.

"Yes, you are, but, unfortunately for you, Yami, YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN PROVEN GUILTY _THOUSANDS_ OF TIMES!"

"N-n-not t-t-this t-t-time..."

Ryou sighed. "Well, then someone broke in and stole Bakura last night, because he's gone. Come on, help me make 'Missing' posters."

"O-okay."

"I'm sorry for getting mad, if you actually _are _innocent. If not..." Ryou brandished his new weapon threateningly.

I felt myself falling backwards, and everything went a peculiar shade of black...

-

_I still can't believe this outrage. I spent the rest of the day toiling to make some nice 'Missing' posters, and Ryou didn't like them! Here's what they said:_

_MISSING_

_An annoying, fluffy, white bunny. May respond to name Bakura, though it doesn't like responding very much. If found, PLEASE DO NOT RETURN! Run it over with a lawnmower or something. _

_Reward: 10 dollars for not bringing it back, 20 dollars for bringing back its dismembered bits after you run it over. _

_And I spent the entire afternoon making these! I made FIFTY of them, before my _dear _hikari decided he didn't like them and whacked me over the head! I really must find someone to work with soon, so I can proceed with my plot. Who should I pick? Aargh, I did it again. I asked your opinion. Bad me. Must remember not to ask your opinion. Yet another thing needs to be added to the list:_

_11. Hire somebody to remind me not to talk to my journal. _

_There. So, it needs to be a yami of some sort, because hikaris are either too innocent or too evil. Definitely not Yami Yugi...he's always too obsessed with saving the world, and he's WAAAAY too protective of Yugi. Plus, Yugi has that strange obsession with bunnies... Yami Yugi is out. Seto Kaiba (he's not a yami, but close enough) is also out, because he's too busy and too protective of his midgety little brother. Hm...could use Yami Malik, but I don't think I trust him. He's way too likely to turn on me, and I couldn't have THAT. Plus, all that gold he's wearing is very difficult to resist stealing... Who else is there? NO ONE! AARGH! This is going to be a little bit more difficult than anticipated. Maybe I could hypnotize my hikari, or borrow the rod from Malik or something...he's certainly _evil_ enough... _

_(scribble) _

_It's Ryou's salad tongs again! They have pointy bits! That's not FAIR!_

_(HUGE scribble) _

_Hikari's so mean..._

_Will write more if I escape with my life. Wish me luck! Oh, yes, you're just a book. You can't wish me luck. I know this is messy, but it has always been difficult to write when running... _

-

**Willowwind: **-.- No comment.

**Legolas: **I concur.

**Willowwind: **He's so mean...RYOU! SIC' HIM!

**Ryou: **(brandishes salad tongs)

**Legolas: **_IIIIEEEEEEEE! _(runs away)

**Willowwind: **YOU SHALL RECEIVE THE SAME TREATMENT IF YOU DON'T REVIEW! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Bakura the Bunny: **(bounces up and down) (makes plot bunny noises)

**Willowwind: **Don't let the cuteness fool you. He'll be back next chappie. WHICH WILL NOT BE POSTED UNTIL I RECEIVE FIVE REVIEWS _AT LEAST!_ So kindly press the little "Go" button down there before you leave...and if you left me a little comment, that would be nice, too...

**Legolas: **(running in circles) HEEEEELP!


	5. Chapter Five

**Willowwind:** Well...this is sooner than expected...

**Legolas: **(to reviewers) THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

**Willowwind: **That's right, actually. Because I got so many reviews, I decided to post early. I hope everyone's okay with that...

**Legolas: **No! We're NOT!

**Willowwind:** You are? Good. Well, here's the reviews:

_Reviews:_

**Sami: **Australian? Cool. You sounded Canadian, though. Whatever. Yeah, our Prime Minister's terrible, too. Seems to be a common trait among them. And Canadians are stereotyped to say "Eh?" all the time, but I don't... It just happens, I guess. And I really don't care whether the reviews are signed or anything like that...what I wanted to know was 'how are you always the first person to review my fic chappies when you don't get an author alert or anything?' Do you check every day or something? Your being on the other side of the planet might have SOMETHING to do with it...but I was just curious...

**goku-ranko: **Thanks for the review...and a bunny did WHAT? Okay...killer bunny on the loose...that's enough to give ANYONE a bad impression of bunnies, I guess.

**random person: **Well, I'm posting...soon enough for you? And Ryou _is_ sort of evil in this fic...but congratulations! You are the first reviewer who figured out (or, at least, said so) that Bakura is making Ryou sound a lot eviler than he is! Cookie for you!

**Computerfreak101: **Serenity? O-KAY, that would be weird...evil Serenity. But then again, this whole _fic_ was written with no other point than to be weird, so...yeah. But I already have _somebody_ lined up to help Bakura. You'll see...(snickers).

**Nachzes Black-Rider: **Oh, they were yours? BAD CITRUS! (sprays bunnies with cinnamon and vanilla scents) There. Much better. And as to the number of ellipses without a period on the end...let's just say ff.n is squashing grammar and be done with it, shall we?

**Ichigo: **Yup. Ryou won't get you now...HEY, RYOU! GET BACK HERE WITH THOSE!

**Captain Black Rum: **That'd be funny...waking up with a bunny on your head... And I assure you, Bakura the bunny is quite safe...there's no need to go save him.

**Waffles4eva: **I read on your bio that your name still has the 4, so I put it back in. You spelled my name wrong when you thanked me there, by the way.  
Yes, I got the hint. I reviewed. As to your questions...you'll see what happened to Bakura the bunny in this next chapter, a whole lot more than he has now, I haven't the faintest idea, probably a whole lot more psycho than he'll ever be (sorry, but us real people don't have much of a chance with anime characters), and yes, you did just 'type that aloud', whatever that's supposed to mean... And I assume your last comment means that I can borrow the tinfoil. Thankies! I used it in this chappie, too...  
I agree...Ryou's cookies _are _good. Where do you think I keep getting all the cookies I keep giving out?  
(Ryou is standing by an oven, wearing a "Kiss the cook" apron, and muttering something in Japanese)  
Bakura helps him sometimes, but I'm saving those cookies for the flamers.  
(blink) That was long...

**Hui Xie: **Thank you for the review that I'm SURE will be coming soon, right? (hand strays down to cutting board)

And this time, you all get...CHOCOLATE! If anyone doesn't like chocolate, they can always have a cookie. I'm sure Ryou-kun wouldn't mind making some more.

**Ryou: **(mutters) (death glare)

**Willowwind: **Anyways, now that I'm finished my rants, let's get on with the show!

**Legolas:** Why do you people always have to review? WHY!

_Disclaimer_: Don't own, and probably never will. BUT RYOU'S IMPLEMENTS OF DOOM ARE _MINE! _(ahem)

_Warnings_: Characters that are OOC almost to the point of being AU, much randomness, bleach, bunnies and kitchen accessories. Not for people who like sanity.

Nothing out of the ordinary...

**_The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great_**

**Chapter Five**

_I'm so happy. I'm not dead! Oh, wait. Yes, I am. Never mind. What I meant was that HIKARI DIDN'T KILL ME! He just whacked me a few times and made me make more posters, with him watching. But his plot to punish me backfired! While he was chasing me around the house, I spotted something. Something I've been wanting to see for a LONG – well, maybe not _too_ long, but anyways – time. BLEACH! MY HAIR IS WHITE AGAIN! Now I just have to find where hikari put the dye, so I can dye my bat wings black. That'll be one thing off the list... I'm also still no closer to finding a partner than I was before. And Ryou is still ranting over that idiotic bunny he lost. Good riddance, I say. Oops, hikari's going to take me out to look for that bunny. How are we supposed to find a miniature little white fluffball by driving around through the streets of Domino? Rats. I did it again. NO MORE ASKING YOU QUESTIONS! There. Maybe I'll see it next time. Anyways, I have to go, so more later. _

_Later_

_This time period has strange things going on, indeed. We drove around, looking for that _thing_ that stole my name, and you know what? WE DIDN'T FIND IT. I'm quite relieved, but I still don't see why I had to waste over half my day looking for it. Then, for lunch, hikari said we didn't have time to stop anywhere, so we went to something called a "Drive-in", or some other such nonsense. And I learned something very important... _

_Those posts _do_ talk back. _

_Seriously, we drove up to that little post thingee that I saw people speak to before, and Ryou rolls down the window and leans out, just like those other things. Then this voice comes out of the post! I immediately tried to defend my hikari from whatever demon-thing possessed this post, so I took this window-cleaner thing and whacked the post with it. It didn't even dent. So, I did the only thing I could...I sent the post and its voice to the Shadow Realm. Hikari was very mad, for some odd reason. I was trying to help! You know what he did then? HE ATTACKED ME WITH A SOUP LADLE! I was trying to save him! Stupid ungrateful hikari. See if I ever save him from talking posts again. Oh, yes, and I have to buy him a new window-cleaner thingee, because the old one broke when I whacked the post with it. _

_Anyways, when we got back home, hikari told me that I wasn't going out of the house for a long, long time. I asked him how I was supposed to help find Bakura the bunny if I couldn't leave, and he said I could stay near the telephone and answer any calls we get. _

_Ooh, this is going to be _marvelous.

_Ryou's coming now. Must hide you. _

-

"Oh, er, hi, Ryou..."

"So, have there been any calls?"

"No, not yet."

"Okay. Well, I'm going out to look for Bakura, so you just stay here and wait by the phone. Oh, yes, and if I get my bunny back in little pieces, because you told some caller to run him over, there will be trouble." I looked to my hikari's side, and saw the soup ladle sticking out of his pocket. I gulped. "BIG trouble. Do you understand?"

All I could do was nod.

"Good. See you later, then!" With that, my hikari left.

I sat quietly by the telephone, trying to think up how to respond to any callers I might get. I couldn't tell them to kill it, because hikari said so. Maybe I should just tell them that it was the wrong bunny. But that's not very fun. Or maybe I should tell them they had the wrong number...oh, wait. I have a _wonderful_ idea...

Not long after this, the phone rang. I picked it up, hoping I wouldn't start laughing maniacally before I could finish the conversation. "Hello! Domino Supermarket! How may I help you?" I asked, as sweetly as I could, what with the evil grin. I grinned wider as I heard the stuttered reply...something about 'the wrong number', and then a mumbled apology. "Quite alright," I said. "Bye!" I hung up and burst out laughing. However, I was expecting what came next, too. The phone rang again. This would be GOOD, I thought as I picked it up. "Hi, you've reached the Domino High School. May I help you?" I half-stuffed my fist into my mouth to keep from laughing out loud as I heard the same voice stutter the same thing, then hang up. Then came another ring. "Hi! Domino Pizza! Would you like to order?" This time, there was nothing but a click at the other end. I winced slightly through my smile as I fell out of my chair laughing.

I am SO evil.

Hours passed, and I didn't get any more phone calls. I sincerely hoped that person who was calling hadn't found the bunny, as hikari's posters had our address on them. It was getting late, and I was getting hungry, when I heard a strange sound. It was screechy, and I recognized it immediately.

It was the sound of Ryou's window opening.

Soon after came the sound of hikari's door creaking open.

Then a slight creak as someone or something came down the hall.

By now, I was panicking. I scanned around the kitchen, looking for something to save me. I couldn't see anything that would help. How did hikari find weapons in here so easily? I opened a random drawer, and saw something shiny. Not looking at what it was, I picked it up and held it in front of me, looking as threatening as possible, with my eyes about as wide as the Pharaoh's midget.

"D-don't come a-any c-closer! I-I have...some sh-shiny stuff!" I yelled, glancing at what I held. It was some paper-thin substance, but looked metallic. It made a funny noise when you shook it, too. How interesting. Unfortunately, my hikari chose that moment to walk in the door.

"You look about as threatening as a marshmallow," he told me, grinning. "But _what_ are you doing with the tinfoil?"

"Shh! Somebody came in, and I'm defending myself!"

"With tinfoil?"

I never got a chance to reply, as the intruder came around the corner just then. I screamed and threw myself to the ground before I could see who it was, but I could hear my hikari's shout.

"BAKURA!"

I looked up tentatively. "Yes?"

Ryou rolled his eyes, while hugging something white. Something _familiar..._.

Oh. No.

"I wasn't talking to you," my hikari informed me (although I was well aware of that already). "Bakura came back!"

"I noticed."

Ryou glared at me. "You sound disappointed." His hand strayed down to his soup ladle.

"D-disappointed? N-no, I'm r-really happy h-he's b-back."

"Good." With that, my hikari turned and made his way back to his room.

I reached under a couch cushion, pulled out my journal, and began to write.

-

_Some things REALLY aren't fair. Why did Bakura have to come back? I'm also curious as to where he went, but we'll never know that now, will we? Gah. I did it again. Twice, actually. I really need to work on this. 'The journal is an inanimate object, and, therefore, cannot respond to my questions. Therefore, it is pointless to ask it anything, because you might as well go and speak to a brick wall...you'd get the same response. Not a post, though. Posts talk.' There we go. Hopefully I'll remember now._

_I also am very disappointed that I didn't find a partner yet. Where should I look? I mean, I have a _lot_ of fangirls who'd help me, but they'd want..._something_...for it, I'm sure. Girls these days... So who else am I supposed to ask? I'll look around at school tomorrow to see if I can find any likely people. I probably won't, though. Everyone there is so brain-dead from all the pointless information they receive that they'd be more or less useless as cohorts. I'm really lost as to whom to ask. But I will not ask you who I should try to get, because you are only a stupid book. So there. _

_In the meantime, I must think up a way to get rid of that bunny. I thought he'd done it by himself, but it seems he might need a little help in running away for good. Stupid bunny. I should scare it away. But how? I could set off firecrackers around it when Ryou's not home, but it would probably just sit there, plus hikari would find out...firecrackers leave burn marks on the carpet. I don't think he'd appreciate them. He didn't last time...but let's not get into that. Seriously, that guy has _no_ sense of humour. Maybe I could help him with that...no. He wouldn't appreciate it. He never does. When I rule the world, everyone will appreciate me, and they'll all have a sense of humour, and _

_(scribble)_

_Agh. It's that soup ladle again. Why won't hikari just leave me alone?_

_Rats. I did it again. _

-

**Willowwind: **(grin) There we go, another chapter finished.

**Legolas:** But not the story?

**Willowwind: **I should say not! We are looking at a VERY LONG story here, people!

**Legolas:** Help?

**Willowwind: **Aww, he loves it. I know he does.

**Legolas: **You wish.

**Willowwind: **You're forgetting about my authoress powers, dear muse. Just one little thought and...

**Legolas:** (does oliphaunt impression)

**Willowwind: **(grin) I know I'm evil.

Now, I have two things to ask/tell reviewers about:

1. WHO IS RYOU'S GIRLFRIEND?

Pick one of the below whom you think should be Ryou's girlfriend. I'll go with whoever the majority wants.

Serenity (actually not a bad pairing, but weird...)

Tea (I don't _really_ like this, but if that's what the majority decides...)

OC (Do NOT tell me the name or the description! I'll give you a few options to choose from, if you do choose this. I don't want however many people review sending in descriptions of themselves, hoping they'll get written into the story)

2. CONTEST!

Whoever can guess who Bakura's companion is going to be will get...something. Haven't decided that yet. But I don't think it'll just be a cookie. Oh, and **NACHZES BLACK-RIDER** DOESN'T QUALIFY FOR THIS, BECAUSE I ALREADY TOLD HER WHO IT IS! And she can't tell anyone, either. If she does... (brandishes ladle threateningly) Other than that, anyone qualifies. But you'll have to give me some prize ideas. I have NO idea what to do. I could write a oneshot fic for you...or something...

There we go! Now review, because Ryou has quite a few weapons and he's not afraid to use them...

Flames will be given to Seto's BEWDs, or Joey's REBDs, depending on what colour they are.


	6. Chapter Six

**Willowwind: **Back again! Sorry it took so long...I was having problems with this. But it's here now...

**Legolas:** WHY?

**Willowwind:** Why what? Why am I writing so soon? Because I got so many great reviews, that's why! Or if you meant the usual 'why', which would be 'why did they all have to review'...I assume it's because they liked the story. So there.

**Legolas: **(muttermuttermutter)

**Willowwind:** Okay, now that we've dealt with my muse-who-has-NO-sense-of-humour, let's get the reviews up!

_Reviews:_

**Nachzes-Black Rider**: I know you updated, thanks for your opinion, though I knew it already, I know ff.n can be stupid, and why what? 

**East Coast Ryder: **WHEE SUGARSUGARSUGAR! My muse is not going to be happy about this! Thankies for the review! (And the sugar, too...)

**Waffles4eva: **Yes...you spelt my name wrong...and it's still wrong... And your science teacher apparently speaks with bad spelling, because you misspelled 'misspell'. And later in the review, you misspelled 'weird'. And 'author'. (sticks out tongue) I know I'm evil.

As for that marshmallow line...I think I got it from somewhere else...but whatever. Yeah, Bakura-bunny came in through the window. He probably wanted to scare Bakura-the-first. But who am I to try and analyze a plot-bunny's mind?

Thanks for your opinion...and your guesses were both WRONG. Sorry! Try again!

**Antibaseball: **...Thanks...

**Sami Ryou's Hikari: **Ryou has a hikari? I thought he _was_ a hikari... But maybe that's just me. Don't worry, you're not the only pathetic one. I've been on here every day that is humanly possible since October 12. And you're wrong with the guesses, too. Muaha. I feel so evil. And don't worry, the RyouWhoever won't be huge. I just need to start mentioning a name instead of 'Ryou's girlfriend'. It gets annoying.

**Computerfreak101: **Yeah, Tea is kind of evil. All that over-friendshippy-ness. Blech. And for the contest...sorry! Try again! Mweheeheehee! I'm sooo evil! …But you did come close when you said an OC…this OC HAS been introduced, though, so I need a name. …I just gave it away, didn't I?

**Marick'sDarkSlave: **Tee hee hee! Nope, nope, nope, nope, NOPE! Try again! …You spelled 'Marik' wrong, by the way….

**Ichigou-otaku: **O-kay…I'll make an 'other' category….

**Hazel-Beka: **That's okay. You reviewed now! Trying to update soon…but I'm so tired…need pop….

**Hui Xie: **Congradulations! You have won the award for my most disturbing reviewer! Thanks for your reviews, but please keep your perversion to yourself. And no, it's not Malik.

**KivaEmber: **I know you didn't review chapter five, so I technically shouldn't be doing this, but thanks for the review! And I believe you meant 'existed'. No 'c'.

**Anon: **Thanks for the review. …I don't exactly watch that show…so I don't really know what you're talking about. Sorry.

**Mana-the-Authoress:** Don't worry about it. It's a good pairing, and there's nothing wrong with being impulsive. And no, it's not a duel monsters card. I don't know enough about them for it to be one. But at least you guessed OUTSIDE the box! You didn't guess a PERSON! Oh...I just gave it away, I think. Whoops.

Anyways, that concludes the reviews for now. Cookies to reviewers again. Bakura refused to steal some chocolate for you. So, shall we start?

**Legolas:** NO.

**Willowwind: **Too bad. Here we go!

**_The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great_  
Chapter Six**

_Today, I made a MARVELLOUS observation about those weird electrical thingees that my hikari uses. Micriwaves-mikrewaves…something like that. I found out…if you put metal in them and turn them on…THE METAL SPARKS! It's ever so much fun…or, at least, it WAS…until Ryou found out about it. Now I'm locked in his room, and I'm not allowed out until I promise to be good and stay away from the microwave. Ah well, maybe he'll go out later. In the meantime, I'm going to look around Ryou's bathroom to see if he hid the black dye in there. _

OoOoOoO

I snapped the little book shut and looked around. The only life form in the room besides me was Bakura the bunny, who was sound asleep in his patched-up cage. I stood as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake him. No, I'm NOT getting nice. I just didn't want those freakishly pink eyes of his following me around.

I silently made my way to the bathroom. The door creaked a little as I opened it. I'd have to remind hikari to oil the hinges later. I slipped inside and turned on the light. There were lots of little cabinets in there...and the dye could be anywhere. Oh well, I better get looking.

The first drawer held nothing but toilet paper. Hmm...toilet paper...that could come in handy sometime when I wanted to make Ryou mad and then blame it on the bunny... But that's not what I was looking for. The next few drawers were completely bare. 'Why have so many drawers if you don't put anything in them?' I wondered. Maybe I should ask Ryou...on second thought, no. He'd know I'd been looking for the dye, then.

I opened a cabinet above the sink, which contained soap and shampoo. Unfortunately, Ryou chose this time to walk in.

"Bakura? _What_ are you doing?" I turned to see my hikari, one hand at his side, the other...holding a garlic press. An _oversized, METAL _garlic press. I gulped.

"N-nothing. I...just wanted...to...wash my face?"

Ryou glared at me. I could tell he didn't believe a word of it. "Get out here _now_." I scurried out of the bathroom. That cursed bunny was awake now, and watching the whole episode attentively.

"You wouldn't have been looking for that dye you got a few days ago, would you?" His voice was deceptively calm.

"N-no..."

"Good." I could tell he still didn't believe me, but he decided to let it go. "So, are you ready to promise yet?"

"Y-yes. I won't go near the micr-mir..."

"Microwave."

"Yeah. I won't go near the mircowave."

"_Microwave._ But that's good enough. I'm going to do some shopping." He saw my elated expression and frowned. "But don't even THINK of breaking your promise. Bakura-bunny will be watching you. Won't you?" He turned and smiled at the bunny. For a moment, I almost thought I saw that infernal rodent nod. Whatever. It was probably just me. Ryou let Bakura out of his cage, then left, giving me a warning glance as he did so. I stood still, letting an evil grin slowly spread across my face, and planning what I was going to do with all my spare time. Well...I should find the dye first...

Bakura-bunny wandered around in circles on the floor, and I must admit, he looked very cute for a stupid little rodent. Then his nose started twitching, and he ran into the bathroom. I watched him, confused. Then he came out again, holding a familiar package in his mouth.

My _dye_?

He made his way over to me, and laid the small, plastic-covered parcel down at my feet. I stooped over to pick it up, giving the bunny a quick stroke between the ears as I did so. No, I am NOT getting soft for the stupid thing. I was just...expressing gratitude. Yes, that's it. Gratitude.

I read the directions for dying hair on the back. _Mix with one gallon of boiling water until crystals dissolve. Stick head in, wait 30 seconds, and hope you don't drown and/or severely burn yourself. Do NOT rinse hair until dye is completely dry. _Yeesh, who wrote this thing? Well, I didn't have to worry about the 'stick head in' thing. I'm just dying my bat wings. Well, I'd better go get the water ready...

OoOoOoO

_I've learned several things today. Normally, I make it a policy to never learn more than one thing a day, but sometimes I just can't help it. I'm too clever for my own good. Anyways, I learned that plastic does weird things in the microwave, first. I tried filling an ice cream container full of water and sticking it in the microwave until it boiled. Unfortunately, the plastic melted after about ten minutes, and spilled the water everywhere. I tried the oven next. Nope, the plastic melts there, too. And that's harder to clean out. Finally, I found a big glass bowl and put the water in THAT. It worked. So I put the dye crystals in the water and mixed them until they dissolved, just like the package said. Then I stuck my bat wings in and waited 30 seconds._

_Then another thought occurred to me, while I was waiting. I couldn't dry my hair when it was done, so It'd have to drip-dry. But I couldn't think of anywhere I could safely drip into without getting dye all over the place. Then, it struck me. I could drip back into the bowl!_

_So, I stood there for fifteen minutes, watching the dye go plopping back into the bowl from my hair. Then that STUPID, ROTTEN, NO-GOOD, CUTE, ANNOYING BUNNY came along. Wait a moment. I DID NOT MEAN CUTE! Augh! Ryou is getting to me. Anyways, along comes Bakura-the-bunny, and he decides that he'd like to be black, for some odd reason. So he hops up onto the counter, and then jumps right into my dye! I tried to reach in to get him out, but the water was so HOT. So I found my hikari's soup ladle and was going to fish him out, but then he jumps out and runs off! RIGHT OVER RYOU'S WHITE CARPET! So I chased him around the house, forgetting that my hair was still wet and likely to be dripping. After about half an hour later, I finally caught him. BUT HIS FUR WAS DRY! I tried to wash him off, but the stupid stuff just WON'T COME OUT! So now we have a black, pink-eyed bunny. He looks very evil. And then I looked in the mirror, and found that I'm REALLY not having a good day._

_I was dripping still when I started chasing Bakura. And now, guess what?_

_I._

_Look._

_Like._

_A._

_Retarded._

_DALMATIAN!_

_My hair has black speckles all over it!_

_So, I tried to find the bleach, to clean up this whole mess, and you know what?_

_MY HIKARI HID IT AGAIN!_

_I can't find it. I cleaned up the tiles and the counter in the kitchen. Ryou's going to wonder why his mop is black... But nothing would work on the carpet. Or the walls. Or Ryou's literature homework. Or my hair. Or the bunny._

_I am SO dead._

_Wait a moment, I AM! That was a completely pointless statement. Uh oh. Ryou's home. I've got to get away! He has the garlic press with him! He's hollering something now. I can't hear. I don't even think it's actual words. Maybe if I just sit here and pretend I don't exist he won't notice me, and then I can get away when he's not looking. I could move somewhere far, far away and start my plans for world domination there and then_

_(**HUGE** scribble)_

_Maybe I should get away now..._

OoOoOoO

"So, how many people bought my dye today?" an evil, low voice drawled.

"Fifty-six."

"Hmm...so few? I suppose people are catching on. How many of them died?"

"Only forty-three."

A sigh. "It seems I need a new plan for world domination. But what?" Purple eyes stared at a solid gold rod for inspiration. Then, the violet eyes lit up in a wicked grin. "I think I have an idea..."

OoOoOoO

**Willowwind: **There you have it. Chapter six. Would have been up sooner if a certain SOMEONE reviewed. She knows who she is.

**Legolas: **WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REVIEW?

**Willowwind: **(sigh) That's my muse. So pessimistic all the time. Just think, Legolas-chan…we have 47 reviews now!

**Legolas: **Woot.

**Willowwind: **I knew you'd agree! So…if anyone here isn't familiar with the kitchen and doesn't know what a garlic press is, it's a little thing that works kind of like a nutcracker, except you use it to press garlic into little bits. Just thought I'd clarify that. Now, here's the contests, as they stand….

1. Serenity: 3 votes!  
Tea: NO VOTES! Sorry, but she's OUT OF THE RUNNING! No more voting for her.  
OC: Two votes!  
Other: 1 vote…to Mihou Nosaka. ...Full points for originality!

2. TEEHEEHEE! NOBODY'S GONNA GET IT! (ahem) So…any OTHER guesses? Maybe I should give a hint…just to be nice. Um…so far, we've determined it's NOT:

Marik/Malik  
Seto  
Noa  
Joey  
Tea  
Weevil  
Yami  
A duel monsters card

Need a hint? As I said to **ComputerFreak101**, it IS an OC, but they've been introduced, so you need to give me a name. And, as I said to **Mana-the-Authoress**, it's not a person.That's all but giving it away, but…seeing as how you're going to find out next chapter, I figure I'd better make it easy. Basically, I think that the first person to review will be the one to win. More incentive to review, people!  
Just a note on this…I will probably be adding more people to the partnership I'm about to start…but not for a while. I'm open to suggestions…but don't say Marik or his yami. I have…PLANS…for them. I'm probably going to make Yami on Bakura's team…later. A LOT later. Others are welcome on the team, though!

Well, that's it for now! Don't forget to review before you leave…or I won't take responsibility for what Bakura-bunny or Ryou may do to you…. Blackmail? No, of course not. I NEVER blackmail….


	7. Chapter Seven

**Willowwind: **Maybe this is a bit soon...but hey, I was bored.

**Legolas:** (muttering) You _wouldn't _have been if you'd been doing your social homework.

**Willowwind:** Yeah, but that's boring. So, here's the reviews:

_Reviews_:

**Waffles4eva: **Well...let's see...you're the first with the right answer...and I believe that was what the contest took to win, was it not? You tell me. Did you win? I don't have a bunny, either. I just have two stupid, fat goldfish, one of which enjoys floating upside-down...but he's still not dead. I don't really like white bunnies...I prefer the brown ones...but that wouldn't have worked too well in the story. Heh...I've made sparks in the microwave before...accidentally, of course...

Yes, actually, there was a spelling mistake...you spelled 'possessed' wrong. But anyways...

**Nachzes Black-Rider: **I won't kill you for saying it, cause someone already got it right. BEFORE you. I knew it was obvious. And FH can wait a little longer, seeing as how no one reviews it...

**East Coast Ryder: **Well..._I_ don't mind...but I don't think Bakura would appreciate being called Pongo.

**CelticWings: **Your first guess was correct, but sorry, you weren't fast enough. It's NOT a monkey. Since WHEN was a monkey introduced? And tell your sister that Ishizu isn't an OC, AND she's a person.

**KawaiiAikurushiiKitsune: **Wow. Long name. Anyways, thankies for your nice comments, and the review in general!

**Sami Ryou's Hikari: **Um...sorry? Don't worry about it so much, though. The parts with Ryou's girlfriend will be few and easily ignorable...or you could just mentally change the 'she's to 'he's, if you really felt like it. I have a friend who writes yaoi/shonen-ai...**Nachzes-Black Rider**. She doesn't write humour, though. I could reccomend a few fics, but I don't really read yaoi.

**Computerfreak101: **Right. You're person number three with the correct answer.

**Pikpik246: **Was that a guess? I'm assuming it was. Well...you're right, if it was... You're number four.

**Hazel-Beka: **Glad you approve, cause you're right. It's the bunny. And I dunno...Malik just wanted to kill off everyone in the world by selling dye that would cause death if used...maybe it's a weird bad guy thing.

**Hui Xie: **Actually, the whole Dalmatian thing had no previous planning. I came up with it on the spur of a moment. Plus, I already got the batter mixer idea...from **Nachzes-Black Rider. **So sorry. It'll come sooner or later.

...Yes, I know my Bakura is OOC. I believe I keep saying so in the warnings...

Thank you for your kind reviews! Chocolate to everyone! And to those who guessed and got it right...I'll try to think up little prizes to give away. Ideas, anyone? Well...on with the fic!

_Disclaimer_: Oops, heh. I forgot to do this last time. Well, I didn't own Yu-Gi-Oh! then, and I don't now. There we go.

_Warnings_: Forgot this, too. Characters OOC to the point of being AU, and...evil Ryou? Yes, that should go in the warnings too, even if it is the same thing. Oh, and...cheese graters? _RUN FOR YOUR LIFE BAKURA_! (ahem)

**_The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great_**

**Chapter Seven** (Good grief, we're at _seven_ already?)

_This is the first day I've been allowed out of my soulroom since that day with the black dye incident. IT WASN'T MY FAULT! It's the bunny's fault. Ryou didn't believe me, though. So I was the one who had to clean up the whole mess, and I was the one stuck in my soulroom for a week! And just perfect, I get out, and THE RETARDED BUNNY'S MISSING AGAIN! It went missing just as Ryou tried to bleach it white again. I think it doesn't want to be white...wait a moment. I make it sound like it actually thinks. It doesn't. It's idiotic, and capable of nothing but being annoying and getting me in trouble. Ah well. At least hikari doesn't think I stole it or killed it or something. But I still had to help with the 'Missing' posters again. Sigh._

_Ryou's gone now, but he disconnected the phone. He's out putting up the posters, so it's not like we're going to miss any REALLY important calls. And I don't get to have any fun. He also unplugged the microwave, and the oven...and hid the cords. He's so mean...and I'm bored. Which would be why I'm writing. _

_I recently discovered this fascinating thing that hikari has...called 'television'. Very odd. You just turn it on, and there's people there. And they're all doing their own thing, and they have no clue I'm spying on them. I'm glad Ryou stopped me from banishing this thing to the Shadow Realm...it's so much fun. At this one place you can see, there were a whole bunch of fat people who kept dog-piling until someone blew a whistle. And then they did it again! It was hilarious! Hikari said it was some sort of game. I like it. And then there's another game where the people whack a white thing and then go running in circles. These games they have these days are all pretty pointless, if you ask me. Yet another thing to be changed when I rule the world. I'm going to go spy on people with the television now, and see what other idiotic games they came up with. _

OoOoOoO

I flipped on the television and settled back, but I couldn't really pay attention to what was going on. It was boring. Some person talking about things that happened in the world. I pressed the 'up' button, and paused a moment to snicker at what I saw. Some girl was yelling at some guy, who looked mad and scared at the same time. Then she slapped him and ran away. Well, _that _was interesting...

I kept pressing buttons, first up, then down again, and then I started experimenting with numbers. I found a few more of what I'm _pretty_ sure are games...and they're all as pointless as each other. I mean, _what _is the point of trying to get an orange ball into a circle? Or kicking a white-and-black ball into a rectangle? People these days SERIOUSLY needed to get a hobby.

About half an hour later, I heard a rustling coming from the curtains. My first impulse was to dive into the kitchen and grab whatever I saw there, and I stood to do so, but then I figured out it was too far away and I grabbed the Millennium Ring and prepared to banish whoever/whatever it was to the Shadow Realm. But then it stepped...or should I say, _hopped_, out from behind the curtain, and I dropped the Ring.

It was the bunny. _Again_.

I sighed, and plopped back down on the couch. "Do you always have to come in that way?" I asked, feeling more than a little silly because I was talking to a stupid animal, but then I nearly fell off the couch in surprise.

The bunny..._shrugged_.

'I must be seeing things,' I thought, but I had to ask nonetheless. "You...understand me?"

The bunny nodded.

"Can you talk, then?"

The bunny gave me a look that clearly told me it thought I was stupid. It shook its head.

"Hey, just asking. I mean, if you can understand me..."

The bunny rolled its eyes.

"Okay already. How do you get out all the time?"

It hopped over to the window and pulled the curtains back, revealing a small hole. 'Wow, it's smarter than I thought', I decided. Then something clicked in my memory...something I needed...

I stooped over and picked Bakura up, holding it at eye level and looking into its scarily pink eyes. "Look...Bakura. I'm planning on taking over the world soon." It was looking at me like I'm crazy. But I'm getting used to that. "I have a plan, and all I still need is...a partner. If my partner would help me take over the world, I'd let them rule under me, or whatever else they wanted, short of letting them rule beside or above me. I've been looking a long time for someone who would fit the job, and I think you might. So...would you be willing to be my partner?" I couldn't believe myself. I had just offered to make a rodent my partner. But it was an _intelligent _rodent, so...

It stood a short while, as though in deep concentration. Then it cocked its head up at me, and started gesturing with its paw. First at me, then outstretched, then at itself. "What would I give you?" I clarified, and it nodded. "Well...whatever you wanted, as I said," I told it. "We can figure it out later." It nodded, and I almost thought I saw an evil grin spread over its little face before it hopped out of my hand and to the floor. It held out a paw, and I grabbed it and shook it. I grinned at it, despite the fact that I had just partnered with a _bunny_.

"Deal."

OoOoOoO

_I cannot believe how horribly impulsive I can be at times. Honestly. My partner is a BUNNY! How am I supposed to take over the world when my only partner is a BUNNY? Yes, I'm going to look _very _terrifying now, with a BUNNY standing by my side! Ah well, as long as he does his part, it shouldn't be too much of a setback. _

_Ryou was delighted to find his bunny alive, well, and back with us when he got home. He hugged it practically to death, then scolded it for a few minutes, then took it back to its cage, which it had gotten out of again. I think it bites its way through the wire. _

_But, even if my partner's a bunny, I'm still quite a bit closer to taking over the world now. Nothing shall stand in my way now, not even Ryou! I'll get my hands on destructive weapons, then blow up wherever the person-who-rules-the-world-now lives, AND THEN CONTINUE MY ATTACKS UNTIL THE WHOLE WORLD RECOGNIZES ME AS LEADER! MUAHAH_

_(HUGE scribble) _

_Ow! Hikari hit me with a cheese grater! That HURTS! _

_Perhaps if I will myself into my soulroom, I can escape... _

OoOoOoO

"So, any news?"

"Yami, it looks like we may have some competition."

"Oh, really? Well, what pathetic little mortal is trying to take over the world as well?"

"It's not a mortal. Look." He held up a photograph...of a (mostly)white-haired yami and a bunny shaking hands.

A snort of laughter. "These are the two who are challenging me? It's not even worth worrying about. Our plan will be executed as planned."

"Yes, yami." The blond-haired hikari exited the room.

"That foolish tomb robberand a...bunny?" Violet eyes lit up with silent laughter at the thought. "What threat could they pose?"

OoOoOoO

**Willowwind:** Keekeekee...can you imagine Bakura shaking hands with a little, fluffy bunny? (giggles)

**Legolas: **No, and we wouldn't want to.

**Willowwind: **Well, maybe _you_ wouldn't... I still can't believe this thing is seven chapters long already.

**Legolas:** Yes. Seven chapters too long.

**Willowwind: **...I'm not even going to argue. I have 58 reviews that state otherwise, dear muse.

**Legolas:** Hmph. (goes away to a corner to sulk)

**Willowwind: **Despite how I may have made this sound, I don't hate most sports, people. Given, I think football is pointless... (no offense to anyone, I hope). And I know the chapter was so short, it was hardly worth it, but I just happen to be busy at the moment...grade nine can be a hectic year.

ANYways...

1. SERENITY: Still 3 votes. COME ON, PEOPLE! WE'RE STILL VOTING HERE!  
OC: Still 2 votes.  
Other: Still 1 vote.

2. CONGRATULATIONS to **Waffles4eva**, who won the contest by being the first person to review. I was right! So...ANYWAYS...I still have no clue what to give...although I'm thinking a oneshot would be okay...

Oh, **Waffles4eva**, I think it would be best to figure out this whole thing over e-mail, so I don't bore the heck outta readers...and your bio doesn't have your e-mail. So you could tell me in a review...or just e-mail me if you don't want everyone to know. Just so you don't have to look it up, my e-mail's willowwind(underscore)adurois('at' symbol)hotmail . com, but without spaces, and use the symbols instead of the words in brackets (although that should be obvious). I think ff.n has a problem with that kind of thing.

Well...till next time! Leave a review...Ryou's weapons are getting nastier by the second!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Willowwind: **Before you kill me for not updating soon enough, please hear me out.

**Legolas:** No. Don't. Kill her now.

**Willowwind: **I had writer's block, people, and then I got all stressed, and then my Grandpa died, and I'm so sick at the moment I can't talk, and one of my fav. author's accounts got deleted for reasons unknown...I'm not really in the mood for writing humour.

**Legolas: **So this chapter is going to suck!

**Willowwind: **(glare) There's plenty of words that mean 'suck' but would make you sound more sophisticated, dearest-elven-prince.

**Legolas:** (sticks out tongue)

**Willowwind:** Well, look who decided to be OOC today! Anywho, here's the reviews:

_Reviews_:

**Computerfreak101: **Erm...I could consider giving out prizes to the second and third place finishes...but what did you have in mind?

**Waffles4eva: **Sailor Moon...I'm getting ideas...muahahahaha! And just because you call your sports by British terms is absolutely no reason to try to change their REAL terms. Baseball. Football. Soccer.

You know I'm kidding, right? Anyhoo…I nicked that one line from your fic and it's in here. Thanks for letting me steal it! But if you let me…then wouldn't it be borrowing? Aargh, now I'm confuzzled.

**Shadow Yami: **Neither can I. That's why I wrote it. And about what the bunny wants in payment...I'll think of that later.

**Nachzes Black-Rider: **Yes. You know WHY it's getting more attention than FH? BECAUSE FH IS HORRIBLE, THAT'S WHY! No, I will NOT advertise for it. If they don't like it, I'm not gonna make them read it.

**greywolf2716:** I know. Ryou's OOC—AU, even. That's why he's scary.

**redconvoy: **Why, thank you. I know I'm crazy. Glad you like.

**Sami Ryou's Hikari: **Okay...I'll tally that. Thanks for voting!

**Hazel-Beka: **Posting that picture on the internet...I might be able to use that later. Hmm... Mind if I nick it sometime?

**OneWhoWalksWithPigeons: **Yup. Plot bunnies come with stories. Very annoying little things, they are...and they're made even more annoying by the fact that they're so cute...cause then you can't get rid of them.

**hellcasterkanrou: **...No. He won't use those giant chopstick thingees. Mainly because I have no idea what they are. Get me a name, and I might be able to use it...

**PikPik246: **Yeah. Now I need some more sports he can watch though. Or maybe I'll get him to watch something else...

**dudeipolish:** Thanks for the review. And if you ever do get any bombs, please don't blow up the world. I've grown rather attached to it...

**Fantasia-girlie: **Thanks for the review, and the nice comments!

**amanda.p.: **Well...that might be in the plot later...or something along those lines, anyhow. Thanks for being inspirational!

**  
Willowwind: (**sniffle) You guys love me. I GOT 15 REVIEWS FOR LAST CHAPPIE! That's more than I've ever gotten on any fic or story I've ever written before. Thanks so much!

Okay, now that we're done with that, let's get this show on the road!

_Disclaimer_: Do you _think_ I own Yu-Gi-Oh?

_Warnings_: Characters OOC to the point of being AU, and Ryou's kitchen implements of doom!

_**The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great**_

**Chapter Eight**

_I just managed to get out of my soulroom. Hikari locked me in there for a week. That wasn't very nice of him. I'm going to sit here and pout._

_(pout)_

_(pout)_

_(pout)_

_Okay, this is boring. I need to find my partner and see how the plan is going. _

_Oops. The plan. I forgot to tell it to him. _

_Ah well. Maybe he found my notes._

_Can he read? _

_I'm going to stop asking you questions now, because you're a stupid little journal, and cannot reply to me. Must go find that bunny now and see if he's done anything helpful. Probably not...useless little rodent...very intelligent useless little rodent, maybe, but I'm still mad about not getting a better partner. Ah well, maybe I can find someone else later. Until then, I'll have to work with a bunny. Sigh._

_Must go now. Hikari wants me to take out the trash._

OoOoOoO

"Bakura?" My hikari was waiting patiently for me at the foot of the stairs.

"Coming!" I started down the stairs, going slower so I wouldn't trip again. Too bad I wasn't looking where I was going. I had only one thought as I crashed down the stairs.

'WHO LEFT THAT THERE?'

I had stepped onto this stupid, sort-of-oval-shaped board with wheels on the bottom of it. It went shooting out from under me, and I fell. All the way down the stairs. _Again_.

Ryou grinned at me as I lay at his feet at the bottom of the stairs. "Bakura, WHEN are you going to learn how to go down the stairs without falling?"

"When you clean the stairs," I muttered, rising. But my hikari didn't hear.

"Honestly, I don't think you've ever gone down the stairs on anything other than your back since you moved in. But that's not important. Please take out the trash."

"Yes, Ryou." I took the garbage bag from my hikari's outstretched hand, and began to walk away, to get the garbage from around the house.

"Oh, and one more thing."

I sighed and turned to face my hikari again. "Yes?"

"The garbage truck came this morning, so you'll have to take the garbage to the dump yourself. And you still can't drive, because you still refuse to learn how, so you'll have to walk there." I swear, he was grinning _evilly_, hikari or not.

"_WHAT_?"

"You heard me. Now pick up the garbage and get going, or you won't be back in time for supper."

"Hmph. I don't need to eat."

"Maybe not, but you like to."

I pouted. He had me there. "Fine." I walked around the house, collecting garbage from various trash cans, then back to my hikari, who was busy fixing something in the kitchen. "Ryou?"

"Yes?"

"Where am I supposed to take the garbage?"

Ryou rolled his eyes. "To the dump, of course, you idiot." He said it like it was obvious. Hmph. Maybe it was for _him_, but I just happen to be a 5000-year-old spirit. I don't even know what a dump looks like.

"Um...how do you get there?"

Ryou began a long and complicated description of the path I should take. "You go down four blocks, then turn left and go one block, then turn left again for five blocks, and then you should be able to see it."

"Um...okay..."

"Good. Now get going." Obediently, I left the kitchen. But I was confused. VERY confused. What on earth were these 'blocks' he was talking about? Maybe I would see when I got outside.

I let myself out the front door, but before I could close it, something small, fuzzy and black slunk out the small opening. I looked at my partner, confused. "Are you coming?" He nodded. "...Okay...but no sneaking off. Ryou would blame me for your escape." He nodded again. so I set off down the driveway...and found out what a block was.

There were all of these square blocks of greyish stone, all lined up. THOSE must be blocks. I found the edge of the first block.

'So, he said down four blocks.' I stepped down the length of four of those blocks. 'Turn left for one block.' I turned and walked over. Now I was closer to the street. 'Left again for five blocks, and I'll be able to see it.' I turned again and walked five blocks, noting the fact that I passed where I had started by one block. I stopped at the edge of the fifth block and looked around. I didn't see a dump. But, then again, I had no clue what dumps looked like. Still, I saw nothing out of the ordinary. I decided to try again, but from a different block. Maybe I had started at the wrong one. I went down two blocks from where I had started the previous time and tried again.

I still saw no dump. So I tried again.

Nope.

Again.

Nope.

Again.

Nope.

I was now standing where I had begun the first time, right in front of Ryou's house.

It was then that I figured out something was wrong.

I glanced over at Bakura the bunny, then glared at him. He was rolling around on the ground, obviously laughing, and pounding his little paws on the ground before he held his sides.

_Now_ I was mad.

"Look. If you know how to get to the dump, YOU take the garbage." I held it out expectantly. That stupid bunny immediately sat up and looked innocent.

"Fine." I went back to doing my walking. Maybe it would work sometime...hikari said it would...

"Tomb robber." I looked up to see that baka pharaoh grinning – yes, GRINNING at me. "Did you drop something, or were you just walking around with a bag of garbage in your hand for no reason?"

"Of course not," I snapped. "I was just taking the rubbish for a walk."

His grin widened, and I was having a hard time resisting walking over to him and wiping that stupid grin off his face. "And I suppose you were taking your pet bunny along with you." He nodded at Bakura.

"No. It's not mine. It's Ryou's. And I didn't bring it along. It _came _along. And WHAT are you doing here?"

"You didn't hear? Your hikari invited me and my hikari over for dinner." My eyes widened. Sure, my hikari was evil, but he wouldn't do THAT to me, would he?

Okay, maybe he would.

Yami's eyes glazed over as he said something to his hikari, who was obviously in his soulroom at the moment. Then his eyes became clear again. "My hikari would like to look at your bunny."

I glared at him. "It's. Not. Mine."

He ignored me, and closed his eyes as the puzzle began glowing. When his eyes opened again, they were approximately three times the size that they had been. He was shorter now, with less spiky hair, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I still couldn't get over the fact that the pharaoh was re-incarnated as a shrimp.

Yugi ignored me, and ran over to Bakura the bunny. He began stroking it between the ears, smiling like a chibi. "It's so _cute_! What's its name?"

I ground my teeth. "Bakura."

Yugi looked up at me with his enormous eyes, still smiling. "Of course! You two look so alike!" I didn't think that was supposed to be an insult, which made it all the more insulting. The pharaoh's stupid hikari ignored my death glare and turned back to the bunny.

"Hi, Bakura! You're so cute! Yes, you are! You're just a cutie-wootie little fluffy-wuffy – OW!"

Yugi pulled back, glancing at his bleeding finger. Bakura the bunny was grinning again, and it was all I could do to keep a straight face. For once, I was grateful to that bunny. Yugi was getting more than a little disturbing. (A/N: I second that. I think I gagged up there...)

A single tear rolled down Yugi's face. "It doesn't..._like_ me," he sniffed, and the puzzle began glowing again.

And when it stopped, he was a few inches taller again.

"Tomb robber! Control your bunny!"

"It's. Not. Mine."

"I don't care whose it is! It made my hikari cry!"

"Would he prefer it if I stepped on it?" I watched in amusement as Yami winced from the loud outcry that no doubt came through his mental link. "Apparently not." I snickered as the pharaoh gave me a death glare. "Well, go inside. I suppose my hikari will be expecting you. I just have to finish giving the trash its walk."

The pharaoh gave me a very odd look as he went towards the front door of my house.

OoOoOoO

_My hikari is so unfair. I can't believe it. I tried to get to the dump again, but it didn't work. So I dumped it in the neighbor's compost heap. I didn't know it was a compost heap until hikari got a phone call in the middle of supper – the neighbor was complaining about the garbage that got dumped in her compost heap._

_Now I'm grounded. _

_And being grounded isn't that bad, really. But hikari just _had_ to do it right then with the pharaoh looking on. He laughed at me. That wasn't nice of him. _

_And who knew the pharaoh was so prone to fall for old tricks? I used the old 'water on the door' trick. And the pharaoh fell for it. _

_...I didn't know he used gel. I really didn't. I thought it was natural...seeing as how that's how it was back in Ancient Egypt...before gel was invented. But he must have used something, because he uses gel now. And it washed out when the bucket of water hit him. _

_He has long hair. _

_I took a few photos, for blackmail purposes. Most of the time, they were photos I took over my shoulder as I ran away from either him or my hikari. They finally caught me, cause Ryou whacked me with a wooden spoon. That wasn't nice of him, either. _

_I got in trouble for pranking the pharaoh, but he didn't get in trouble for laughing at me! I'm so misunderstood. Ah well, maybe walking home with wet, long, flat hair will teach him not to mess with me. Ryou's coming to lecture me now. I think I'm in trouble for taking the bunny outside without permission, too. _

_Hikari's seen me writing in this. I have to run. Maybe I can get outside, and esca_

_(scribble)_

_(scribble)_

_(scribble)_

_(scribble)_

_(scribble)_

_(scribble) _

_(scribble)_

_(scribble)_

_(scribble)_

_(scribble) _

_Ow..._

_I fell down the stairs again. Hikari's laughing at me. Now he's taking off the Ring. See you in about a week. _

OoOoOoO

"Yami! Yami!"

"Not now! I'm trying to plan!

"But yami, look!"

Yami Malik's eyes widened as he saw the picture his hikari was holding. "This...could be a problem."

"This was unexpected..."

"Very. Who would have thought the pharaoh would agree to team up with the tomb robber? Yet there they are," he mused. "Malik."

"Yes, yami?"

"Something needs to be done. Invite them over for dinner sometime. We need to talk."

"All of them?"

"Yes. Even the bunny." Yami Malik smirked at the thought.

"Yes, yami."

"Now go. I need to make some plans." The spirit watched his hikari leave the room, then turned to the picture sitting on a small table beside him: a picture of the pharaoh, the tomb robber, and the bunny, standing in a circle and talking. He gave a small laugh of contempt. "You think you can beat me?" he asked, staring hard at the picture. "Well, think again. I will rule the world, and you will not stop me, whether or not the pharaoh is helping you."

Yami Malik ripped the picture in half, then tossed it carelessly over his shoulder. He had more important things to think of now...

OoOoOoO

**Willowwind: **(gasp) A non-Ryou-induced scribble! It's incredible!

**Legolas:** Nobody cares.

**Willowwind: **Too bad for nobody. But Yami Malik thinks that Yami's helping Bakura! And poor Bakura just can't seem to get the hang of those stairs... Maybe Ryou _should_ clean them off...but where would the fun be in that? Legolas, you are not to say a word.

**Legolas: **Fine.

**Willowwind: **(gasp) You said something! Oh, Ryou! (singsong voice)

**Legolas: **O.O Meep.

**Willowwind: **There. VERYVERYVERY sorry again for the time it took to update, but I hope the weirdness makes up for it. No? SUFFER. I'll try to update again soon. Within a week, if I can manage it. Please review?


	9. Chapter Nine

**Willowwind:** Well…this is sooner than last time….

**Legolas:** Nuts.

**Willowwind: **Anyhoo…I didn't expect to get many reviews, as I took so long in updating, but I did! Thanks, everyone! And sorry again for the tardiness of this update. Was going to update last Saturday, but I had so much homework it wasn't even funny. Grade 9 is tough…. This chapter may not be the greatest, but hey, I tried.

_Reviews_:

**Waffles4eva: **You know what? I have no clue why everyone wants our planet. If it were up to me, they could have it, just as long as they gave me and a few select people a new planet to go to and the means to get there. I'm not too optimistic of the state of the world, either. I actually think that the apocalypse (oooh, big word…) is coming in not too long, so it's not surprising the whole thing is going kerplop. Yes, I just invented the spelling of that word, and Microsoft Word agrees with me. See the little red line? Oh, no, you wouldn't…. Anyhoo, lotsa reviews to reply to, so I believe I have to end this….

**Midnight Moon:** Don't worry. You spelled 'hilarious' right. And as to Yami Malik…I've never found him very cute, sorry. But then, I've never seen him in action…I've never seen any of them in action…never seen Yu-Gi-Oh…which makes me wonder why I'm writing fics about it….

**Nachzes Black-Rider: **(pats) Yes, dear. I know you're jealous, but do you really have to scream that to the rest of the world, too?

**OneWhoWalksWithPigeons: **I honestly couldn't say. Never seen the show, myself.

**Kurarise:** Yeah…that's why this thing is labeled OOC every chapter…oh, by the way, I'm not very familiar with abbreviations…but isn't it supposed to be ROTFL? Or is that just me?

**Sami Ryou's Hikari: **You mean…you didn't like the bunny before? I love him. (glomps Bakura bunny) Anyhoo…I don't know if Yami wears gel or not, but that was the only way I could think of that he gets hair like that. Well, that or him sticking his finger in a socket…but that wouldn't really fit, considering his Egyptian background.

**Hazel-Beka: **Thanks for the idea! It'll probably be in this chapter…or the next one…. And you can laugh at Yugi, because Yami's comforting him. I'm sure he'll be fine….

**ShadowfaxSilverfang:** Ooh! Shadowfax! From LotR! (bounces)

Heh…sorry 'bout that. Anyhoo, yes, I did think of the electric shock theory, but Yami couldn't have done that in Ancient Egypt…so I had to go with gel. Hmm…Yugi's voice breaking…yes, I am seeing more possible ideas. Mind if I steal that sometime? Anyhoo…you're a vegetarian…interesting. I would be, but I'm far too lazy. I still won't eat KFC, though, ever since they sent the fluffly yellow little chicks there to be fattened and eaten! (sniffles) O-kay. Enough ranting on my part. Thanks for reviewing!

**hellcasterkanrou: **Yes…I'm rather fond of that bunny myself, despite the fact that it's a plot bunny, and plot bunnies have yet to learn how to behave. Thanks for reviewing!

**My Seto:** No…you didn't spell 'hilarious' wrong…and the bunny will have a purpose beyond just being funny, but I don't think it could lift 800 tons of anything…. I like your fic, by the way. Some very good ideas in there. Also some very familiar ones…. Meh. At least there's both, right?

**Anonymous (A.K.A. Megan)**: Well, I suppose that just shows how obsessed Jenn and co. are…. Thanks so much for reviewing! Did you laugh? Didyadidyadidya? (bounces)

**Her Sweetness:** Wow…. Thanks so much!

Cookies to everyone! Yes, **ShadowfaxSilverfang**, you can have an Anzac biscuit (whatever they are….). That means Ryou-chan will just have to expand his borders a bit.

**Ryou:** (death glare)

**Willowwind: **Stop trying to hide it, dear. We all know you love cooking.

**Ryou: **DIE! (brandishes…well now, that would be telling, wouldn't it?)

**Willowwind: **May I remind you of the authoress powers, dear?

**Ryou: **Meep! O.O

**Willowwind: **That's better. Now on with the fic!

_Disclaimer_: (rolls eyes) Take a _wild _stab in the dark.

_Warnings_: Randomness, OOCness, scary Ryouness…the usual.

_**The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great**_

**Chapter Nine **(A/N: O.O NINE!)

_I have received a very weird letter. A very _short_ letter. Here's what it says: _

"_Meet us tonight at 11 PM, at 111 st. and 81st ave. Bring your partners. Refuse and suffer the consequences." _

_I'm confused._

_What on earth are st.'s and ave.'s? And what's an 11 PM? And how many of the things are there? How am I supposed to find where I'm supposed to go? Why do they want to meet me? What consequences? Why does it say 'partners' when I only have one? How'd they know I have a partner? Are they stalking me? Who sent this thing, anyhow? _

_Maybe it was the fangirls. _

_Now _that's _a scary thought. _

_What if someone's trying to kidnap me? Maybe they want money from Ryou? Hn. He'd just say they could have me. SOMEONE'S TRYING TO ABDUCT ME AND MY HIKARI DOESN'T CARE! Stupid hikari._

_Or maybe the fangirls want to abduct me for their own evil purposes…_

_No. I am _NOT _going there. But what if they come and kidnap me and Bakura right from our home? HELP RYOU! I DON'T WANT TO BE ABDUCTED! _

_Crying? Me? Oh, no. I never cry. Uh…hikari's chopping onions? _

_Go away, you stupid, pathetic excuse of a book. _

_NO! DON'T TELL RYOU I SAID THAT! _

_Okay. Fine. I'm sorry. Happy? _

_Augh. I'm talking to you again. I'm going to leave now before I become insane. _

_Oh, wait._

_Never mind._

OoOoOoO

I chucked the book across the room, before running to pick it up and hoping hikari hadn't heard the thud as it hit the wall. I set it on Ryou's dresser where I found it and exited the room, looking for Bakura. I nearly ran into Ryou, who had just finished getting ready for school but had not had his tea yet. Not good.

"STAY OUT OF MY WAY!" he yelled with half-closed eyes.

"Yes, Ryou!" I ran away before he could say anything else. Hikari was a bit…moody…before he had his tea in the mornings….

I ran to the stairs, and then began slowly stepping down each individual stair. I WASN'T going to fall this time. There was no way I could…I was holding onto the railing and everything….

It's funny how fate so often proves logic wrong.

My foot slipped on one of the stairs, and down I went.

I got up from the tile floor, rubbing my head. Stupid stairs…. Then, from my hikari's room, I heard the dreaded sound of his yelling.

"BAKURA! IF YOU CAN'T STOP FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS, I'LL MAKE YOU LIVE IN THE KITCHEN!"

Hmph. That wasn't very nice of him. And while I have a headache, too.

OoOoOoO

_Hikari left for school about half an hour ago. He was perfectly pleasant after he had his tea, and he had laughed instead of yelling when I fell down the stairs again on my way to the basement. Why can't I go down the stairs without falling? It is ruining my regal grace! The stairs hate me! _

_Hmm. Well, I have more important things to think about than stairs…such as finding where my stupid, fluffy partner went and discussing the letter…._

OoOoOoO

"What do you think it's talking about?"

Bakura the bunny just shrugged.

"You're the only partner I have. What does it mean by 'partners'?"

Another shrug. Then the phone rang.

I ran over and picked it up, an evil smirk dominating my face. I always have _ever_ so much fun with these….

Before I could answer and make up some place that this supposedly was, there was a voice on the other end. "Bakura."

"Umm…no, it's not." I tried to make my voice sound higher and feminine. "You must have the wrong number."

Silence. Then a quiet laugh. "Interesting voice change, tomb robber, though I can't hear much difference."

I growled. "Who are you? What do you want?"

"I sent you that letter this morning. I obviously want a reply."

Oh. At least it wasn't the fangirls.

"Who are you?" By now, the call had caught the attention of the bunny, and he was coming over now to listen in on the call.

"I am the darkness."

I growled into the phone. "That's _my_ line."

"Very well, then. But I will not divulge my name at this time. Will you come or not."

"I do not make deals with strangers."

"I am no stranger to you, tomb robber."

Well…the voice _does_ sound familiar….

"And what will you do if I decline?"

"I have some…_pictures_…of you…that you may wish that no one sees. Well…come with me, and I can assure you I will keep them secret."

"How, exactly, do you plan on making the pictures public? And what pictures are they?" I was starting to sound nervous, and I hated it. I am supposed to be the cold, heartless, unfeeling tomb robber, not…scared.

Again, the laugh came. "Has your hikari ever mentioned something called the _Internet_?"

Er…come to think of it, that did sound familiar….

"Only by name."

I could practically _feel_ the caller's evil smirk. "You can put pictures on places on the Internet. And once they're on…anyone can access them."

I glared. "What pictures are these, anyways?"

"Well…let's see…I have one of a certain someone shaking hands with a bunny…."

This is not good. This could be very bad for my reputation.

"Very well. But I have one question."

"Yes?" The voice sounded too self-satisfied, and it made me want to pound the caller's face in.

"In the letter, you mentioned 'partners'. Who were you talking about?"

"The bunny and the Pharaoh, of course, you fool. Your partners…."

"But…the Pharaoh…." I stopped. I was getting a _very_ evil idea. "Alright then."

"See you tonight." The caller hung up.

I looked at Bakura the bunny. "We're going. Now we just need to find out where it is. Oh, yes, and we're supposed to bring the Pharaoh along. We need a plan…and I believe I have one." The bunny grinned eagerly, and I smirked.

World domination, here I come.

OoOoOoO

_I really must get Ryou to explain this 'Internet' thing to me. If I could get that figured out, then I could carry around one of those black boxes that hikari uses to take pictures and get photos of people in very embarrassing situations. That could help me with world domination, you know. I could tell people that if they did not follow me, I would put the pictures up on the Internet. And then all would follow my commands! Muaha!_

_That would take a long time, though. I, of course, will not die, but hikari might, and I don't know what would happen to me if he wasn't here. Would I go back to the Shadow Realm, trapped in the Ring, or would I be able to stay in spirit form? I can't take that chance. I need a plan, and I need it fast. Fortunately, I believe I have one. But I will not tell you. Anyone could read you and then they would know my plan. _

_On the other hand, I will have to think of a way to sneak out of the house. I'm sure Ryou won't let me go. And I'll have to think of some way to get him to tell me where 111 st. and 81st ave is. And I can't get caught, or I'll be stuck in my soulroom for another week._

_Oh, and I'm still grounded, so this will be even more difficult. _

_So…how to sneak out? Oops, hikari's home. And he let the door bang, so he had a bad day. Which means that I'm probably going to be stuck in the Ring tonight, even if I don't do anything bad. If Ryou has a bad day, he always sticks me in the Ring so he won't have to deal with any trouble I might make. He's so mean. _

_I must get away somewhere, or convince Ryou to not take off the Ring. I cannot allow that picture to be posted on this Internet thing. I have a reputation to uphold: King of Thieves, and soon, the World. I'll just have to discreetly ask hikari who's ruling the world now so I can kill them. _

_Ryou's coming up the stairs, but I don't think he'll find me, as I'm hiding in the closet in hikari's room. So the door is open. I…don't like the dark. NO, I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK! I AM THE DARK! THE LIGHT SHALL TREMBLE AND FALL BEFORE ME! I WIL_

_(scribble) _

_Rats. Hikari saw me, and whacked me over the head with a whisk. I must stop writing and plead for him to not take off the R_

OoOoOoO

**Willowwind: **(gasp) Bakura's in the Ring! Will he get out in time? Will he have a very embarrassing (and cute, if I do say so myself) picture of him posted on the internet?

**Legolas:** Hmm…knowing you, yes, he will.

**Willowwind:** Stop being such a spoilsport. Apologies for making Bakura so OOC in this chapter, but then, he's usually like that in this fic, isn't he?

Anyhoo, just a few quick notes.

ABOUT THE VOTE ABOUT RYOU'S GIRLFRIEND:

I kinda got rid of this. It was making reviewers unhappy, and in the end, I'm sure I would have made somebody mad. So just forget about the entire thing and we'll all be happy. (smile)

And the final, obvious one:

REVIEW! Please? (puppy eyes) Even a few words would be nice…I'm trying to see if I can get 100 reviews with this chappie. Okay if I can't, but please try to help? Flames also accepted, but they will be laughed at, and flamers given burnt cookies, so I don't know if I'd suggest it….

Button is right down there…


	10. Chapter Ten

**Willowwind:** I'm back! Fear my wrath! MUAHAHAHAHA...

**Legolas: **(sweatdrops)

**Willowwind: **ONE HUNDRED AND ONE REVIEWS! I'M SO PROUD OF ME!

**Legolas: **...

**Willowwind: **So...here's the reviews, then...

_Reviews_:

**Nachzes Black-Rider: **...Who fed you sugar?

**Waffles4eva:** Hmm...too bad Bakura doesn't think of that kind of thing...too busy with planning up world domination schemes, I guess...

**OneWhoWalksWithPigeons: **Ooh, really? I may have to try that sometime... (grabs coke) Ryou! Could you bring the Ring over here for a moment?

**Her Sweetness:** Thank you very very muchly. (chibi smile)

**Malik Ishtar Sekhmet: **Er...Ryou's implements are usually kitchen utensils. Maybe I'll go off on another branch (such as books) if I run out of current ideas.

**Taylor: **(blinks) Were you dropped on your head as a child or something? (hides under desk) I'M UPDATING DON'T KILL ME! Oh, yes, and here's some Halls for that cough of yours. (smile)

**Sami Ryou's Hikari: **Uh...what are Anzac biscuits? About the link...I have a friend who draws anime really well...and she said she's going to do some fanart for this fic, so I've asked her if she could do that pic...and then I could give the link...but until then... And the Ryou's girlfriend thing...I kinda felt bad... I hope all is forgiven now...

**Hazel-Beka: **America? Who the heck told you that I lived in AMERICA? I'm 300 percent Canadian, thankies. And we do have numbered streets. Lots of 'em.

**Afterlyfe: **(imitates Bakura) Photoshop? What is this Photoshop you speak of? (stops imitating) The Photoshop idea would work if it was anyone but a 5000 year old spirit... I don't think he'd know Photoshop if it smacked him upside the head. Thanks for reviewing, by the way.

**My Seto: **Sorry. The tardiness of this chapter will be explained soon. Look down there.

**koiyattsu: **Okay. I'm updating.

**O.owickedo.O: **Trying to hurry! Typing as fast as I can! Oh, thanks for reviewing, btw.

**Anonymous (a.k.a. Megan): **Fine. I'm updating. And you KNOW why it hasn't been getting longer. Have some pity on the poor people who don't. WHOO REVIEW NUMBER 100 THANK YOU MEGAN I WILL FEED YOU SUGAR!

**Cyndane: **Of course he doesn't know much about ruling. He's used to Ancient Egypt...I pity our world when he takes over... Then again, I pity it now...

**Willowwind:** I GOT A HUNDRED REVIEWS! BETTER THAN THAT, I GOT A HUNDERED AND ONE REVIEWS! I'VE GOT TRIPLE DIGDET REVIEWS! EVERYONE GO TELL RYOU WHAT YOU WANT AND HE'LL MAKE IT! WHOO! I LOVE YOU ALL!

**Legolas:** (sweatdrops)

**Ryou: **(fumes) I WANT MY RING BACK!

**Willowwind:** Heh...the coke idea worked. Maybe I'll write it back in later, if you're very good, Ryou.

**Ryou:** (mutters) (death glare)

**Legolas: **Anyhow...I'm supposed to tell you why she hasn't been updating. You see, her parents somehow got it into their head that she was spending too much time on the computer, so they restricted her time to an hour a week. She gets on about five minutes a day, except on Saturday, when she gets half an hour. So she hasn't exactly had time to write. She's not even supposed to be on now. She's pretending she has homework.

**Willowwind:** Anyhoo...ON WITH THE FICCIE!

_Disclaimer_: Don't own. (click) Don't own. (click) Don't own. (click)

_Warnings_: Same old...same old... AAH BAKURA IT'S GOING TO EAT YOU! Heh...sugar...no, nothing is going to eat Bakura.

_Important Note_: Bakura talking to Ryou through the mental link will be written in **bold** letters surrounded by ''. Ryou talking to Bakura through the mental link will be _italics_ surrounded by ''. Bakura's journal is still written in _italics_.

_**The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great**_

**Chapter Ten **(A/N: DOUBLE DIDGETS! WHOO!)

'**Ryou?**'

'_What is it?_'

'**Can I come out now?**'

'_My answer has not changed from two minutes ago, Bakura._'

'**But I want _out_...**'

'_Too bad. You blew your chance for today_.'

'**I'll stop bothering you if you let me out...**'

'_I doubt it. You haven't stopped bothering me since you arrived._'

'**People can change**...'

'_Sometimes. But you're not a person. You're a spirit. And I doubt that you can somehow figure out how to change when you've stayed the same for who-knows-how-many years._'

'**Please?**'

'_No._'

'**Pleeeease?**'

'_No. And if you keep bothering me, I won't let you out for a week._'

'**If you don't let me out, I'll possess you.**'

'_Oh, threatening me, now, are we? You're not making this any easier for yourself._'

'**I'm not threatening. I'm telling the truth.**'

'_I see...can I faint with shock now?_'

'**Stop being sarcastic.**'

'_And if I don't feel like it?_'

'**Um...**'

'_That's better._'

'**What happened at school today, anyways?**'

'_What makes you think anything happened?_'

'**You're tormenting me. You usually torment me after you've had a bad day.**'

'_A little while ago, you were going on about how I _always _torment you._'

'**Is it my fault that you keep having bad days?**'

'_Usually._'

'...**That wasn't very nice.**'

'_Nor are you. Now leave me alone._'

'**And if I don't feel like it?**'

'_You are digging a deeper grave for yourself, Yami._'

'**I want out.**'

'_I had gathered that, yes._'

'**Can I come out now? If I promise to be good?**'

'_No. Why do you want out so badly, anyways? You're never _this _insistent about getting out. You weren't planning on GOING anywhere, were you?_'

'**Uh...**'

'_I thought so. You're still grounded. And I'm not letting you out._'

'**Well, now I know you had a bad day.**'

'_Yes. As a matter of fact, I did._'

'**I win.**'

'_Or you would have, if you weren't still in your soulroom, correct?_'

'**Oh, yes.**'

'_Where do you have to go, anyways?_'

'**Um...out.**'

'_Out where?_'

'**Out of the soulroom, for starters...**'

'_Well, I'm afraid that's where your luck runs out. Unless you have a valid place to be once you get out._'

'**I'm...going to get myself kidnapped.**'

'_Oh, really? This is getting interesting._'

'**So can I go out?**'

'_As tempting as losing you for good is, I have to say no._'

'**Why?**'

'_Because you're grounded. You can get kidnapped some other time._'

'**But they'll only kidnap me _today_.**'

'_Ah well, there go my dreams..._'

'**...Or you could let me out...**'

'_Nope._'

'**I want out.**'

'_Too bad. And if you say another word, I won't ever let you out. I'll go chuck the ring in some sort of fire._'

'**Ooh! Mount Doom! To destroy the Ring! Can I come?**'

OoOoOoO

_Stupid hikari. Won't let me out. Now that stupid picture is going to be posted all over that stupid Intra- Intro- thingee. Now what am I going to do? I could actually carry out my threat and possess Ryou, but that wouldn't make him very happy. He'd probably hit me over the head with something else. I think he got a new kitchen utensil._

_Maybe I could figure out a way to get Bakura-bunny to go for me...but I'm supposed to go too! And if I don't get out of this stupid soulroom soon, I won't have enough time to get the Pharaoh to come along! Stupid hikari...all my plans would work out perfectly if it weren't for him. I could probably be ruling the world now, if it weren't for him. _

_How am I supposed to get out of here? _

_Maybe if I wander around a bit, I can find a way out of this place..._

_Scratch that. Already tried it. _

_So, what now? I'm bored..._

_Maybe I could go bother hikari some more..._

OoOoOoO

'**Ryou?**'

'_NO! YOU MAY NOT COME OUT! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!_'

OoOoOoO

_Well...that didn't go so well..._

OoOoOoO

_Bakura?_

**Yes, Ryou?**

_I have to go out. And I don't want you bothering me._

**Um...**

_So, I'll let you come out if you promise to be good and stay here._

**Um...**

_Just promise already, so I can leave!_

**Right...I won't go anywhere. **

_Good. You better not. If you do, I won't let you out of your soulroom for a year!_

**Yes, Ryou.**

_Alright. Out you come._

OoOoOoO

I blinked as I stepped out of the semi-darkness of my soulroom into the brightness of the Sun shining through Ryou's windows.

"I'm expecting to find you here when I get back."

I turned to face my hikari, nodding and smiling as innocently as possible.

"If not..." He gestured towards the table, and I nearly fainted with horror as I saw what lay on the polished brown surface.

_A milk carton!_

(A/N: (falls off her chair laughing))

OoOoOoO

_Ryou's gone. Now I can make plans. I need to go, and I don't know where it is. So...I have an idea on how to solve both the problem of getting to the location and the problem of how to get the Pharaoh-baka to come with me. But I'm not telling you, so there! Nyah!_

_Oh, hurt your feelings, did I? See if I care! I'm not apologizing! And you can't tell Ryou, because he's gone!_

_Oh, not talking to me now? Fine. I don't need you anyways._

_Heh. Do I care if you're trying to cry? You can't! You're a book! I laugh at you! MUAHAHAH_

_(scribble)_

_No, I did not just jump because the telephone rang. I was not startled. Stop laughing at me. I don't like you anymore. I'm going to ignore you and go find my REAL friends. So there._

OoOoOoO

I picked up the telephone, and was surprised to hear the Pharaoh's midget on the other end.

"Ryou?"

I changed my voice slightly to make myself sound like my hikari. That's one thing I CAN achieve.

"Yes?"

"I was just wondering if you needed a ride to the school for the talent show tonight.

"Um...actually, I can't go."

"What? But you're part of the show! You were going to play the piano!"

Ryou plays the piano?

"Yeah, but...my bunny's gone missing again. I think I know where he is."

"Really? Where is he?"

"I think my yami took him. Bakura – my yami – was going on all day about getting to..." I checked the letter I had gotten. "...111th st. and 81st ave."

"And you think your yami took your bunny?"

"Yeah. Bakura hates Bakura."

"Um...okay. I can give you a lift, if you need it..."

"Yes, actually. My yami took my car."

"He what?"

"He took my car."

"I didn't know he could drive."

"Neither did I. He must've picked up off of me when I took him places."

"Couldn't you just take off the Ring and put him back in his soulroom?"

Uh oh. Time to think fast.

"Yeah...but...then the bunny would be out there all by himself. This way, he at least looks like he's owned by someone."

"Oh, I guess. Well, I'll be right over."

"Great. Thanks."

"Bye." There was a click on the other end, and I assume that means that the other phone has been hung up.

Then, I realized two major problems with my scheme.

I must bring the bunny. It won't go over well if I'm holding the bunny when I get in to Yugi's car.

Also...I'm transparent. Ah well. Nothing I can do about that. Maybe Yugi won't notice.

OoOoOoO

"Do you think you could sneak in unnoticed and find a good hiding spot?"

Bakura-bunny nodded.

"Good. Now get ready to go."

OoOoOoO

"Is everything ready for tonight?"

"Yes, yami."

"Good. We want to impress our guests, after all. Oh, and hikari?"

"Yes?"

"Once you capture those three, put that picture up on the internet."

"Yes, yami! Thank you!"

"You're welcome. Now go out and pick up the tomb robber and his company when they come."

"Yes, yami." The blond Egyptian left the room, grinning from ear to ear. He liked the internet...

OoOoOoO

**Willowwind: **(is laughing hysterically)

**Legolas: **Ignore her. She had a croissant for breakfast, and croissants make her hyper, for some weird reason.

**Willowwind: **Originally, this was going to be longer, but if I tried that, it wouldn't get up for another week. So I'll do two updates in less time. Again, sorry for the delay on this chappie. Oh, and one more thing. If anyone can think of kitchen utensils that are not normally considered weapons that I haven't already used, I'd love to hear them. Oh, and I'll be using the milk carton again, as it didn't get properly used this time.

**Legolas:** (sighs) You know milk cartons don't hurt, right?

**Willowwind:** Yup! But Bakura-san doesn't! He seems to be getting very attached to that journal of his, you know? Now review, or I will never post again! MUAHAHAHAHA! LEGOLAS! LEAVE MY CROISSANTS ALONE!


	11. Chapter 11

**Willowwind**: Back!

**Legolas:** (mutters)

**Willowwind: **I'd like to thank all those who reviewed. Review was down for two days and I still got eleven! Impressive...

**Legolas: **(sarcastically) Indeed.

**Willowwind:** So...let's reply to the reviews now!

_Reviews_:

**Nachzes Black-Rider: **Well...SOMEBODY's having mood swings...

**Malik Ishtar Sekhmet: **I got that name right, didn't I? Anyhoo...I'm not quite sure why I get hyper on croissants, either. Oh, and for your yami: Bonjour! Commen ca va, aujourd'hui? (blinks) I looked on spell-check for French, and it said I got the spellings all right. And it's been three years since my last French class. Ah well…. Thanks for reviewing, btw.

**DreamCherry66: **Thanks so much for reviewing! I love getting new readers! And I suppose I COULD start using food items…thanks again! That's actually a really good idea. And I'm starting to feel sorry for 'Kura, too. Maybe I'll start being nice to him in later chappies…but that wouldn't be as funny. So no. Sorry, Bakura, you're out of luck.

**amanda.p.: **Uh…thanks?

**Her Sweetness:** Thanks. I really don't need to take as much time as I'm taking, though…and that's where the problem is.

**Computerfreak101: **(gasp) YOU REVIEWED AGAIN! (glomps you) I thought you didn't like me anymore or something! And did you just get an account? You've never signed a review before…

**Waffles4eva: **Answer two questions for me. One: what the heck is a Black Eyed Susie? Two: how was it?

**OneWhoWalksWithPigeons:** Wow…thanks…you spent forty minutes wasting time for ME? I'm flattered…and they're all perfectly plausible items! Thank you so much!

**My Seto:** Well…actually…I usually feel like it, I just never have the time. I agree with the first two…but I have one of my own. Parents…blah blah blah….

**fushdfkusjr: **I'm just assuming that you pressed some random keys to get that name...and a metal sponge might work, if it was on something that Ryou could use to whack Bakura over the head with. That would hurt...

**person: **Thanks! And by 'egg beater', do you mean a whisk, or an electric one? I'm actually planning on using an electric one, and I already used a whisk, so...

**shikyo666:** Uh...you're welcome? And sorry about the coma thing...I hope you didn't die while I was stuck in writer's block...

**Willowwind: **There, now that I am done with that, I'm gonna rant about my computer. THE STUPID THING KEEPS AUTOMATICALLY MOVING PUNCTUATION OVER AND I DUNNO HOW TO STOP IT! It doesn't make too much difference, BUT IT'S STILL ANNOYING! There. I am finished my rant. Now, Legolas, do the disclaimer.

**Legolas: **(mutters) Fine. She doesn't own it. Any of it. And she wishes to warn all readers that Bakura is stupid and Ryou is evil and there will be some other OOC traits in characters...and not all of them intentional. She wishes to apologize for that.

**Willowwind:** Thank you! (glomps her muse) Now, on with the ficcie!

_**The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great**_

**Chapter Eleven**

An old-looking car pulled up in front of hikari's driveway. I assumed it was the Pharaoh's midget. "You know what to do right?" I whispered, glancing downwards at the small, black ball of fluff that had taken my name. It nodded.

I slowly opened the door, and ran out to Yugi's car, trying as hard as I could to make my eyes look wider – more like hikari's.

"Ryou?" A pair of illegally-sized eyes greeted me as I opened the door of the car. "Why are you transparent?"

Time to think fast. Again.

"Uh...Bakura took control of my body before he left."

"Ah." Yugi looked sympathetic. "Where did you think he was?"

I checked the numbers I had scribbled down on my hand. "111th st. and 81st ave."

"What makes you think that?"

"He kept ranting about going there, and then I got a ransom note for by bunny."

"That said to leave it there?"

"Yup." I tried, and barely managed, to keep back a grin of triumph. I had distracted the midget, and my partner had just climbed into the car from the door that I had still left open.

"Okay. Well, then, let's get going!"

OoOoOoO

_Stupid Pharaoh's pipsqueak. He thinks he knows everything. But he has been outsmarted by me! And the Pharaoh obviously didn't figure it out, either, or he would have been out in a second. I guess I'm pretty good at impersonation...I should try this more often._

_Anyhow, I'm off to wherever this place is (Yugi seems to know where he's going), and then I can find out who's threatening me and terminate them. And steal the picture and put it through a paper shredder. I have done everything the note told me to...and now I am safe from embarrassment because of that stupid picture. _

_Yugi said something about having to go through a gravel road. I wonder wha_

_(scribblescribblescribblescribblescribblescribblescribble) _

_I think I may have figured it out. _

OoOoOoO

"Ryou! We're here!"

I jumped out and glanced around. It looked similar to every other street corner I've ever seen, complete with stoplight.

"I'm gonna go find a place to park! You start looking for your yami and bunny!"

'Argh. Stupid midget is too HAPPY. Must...kill...cheerfulness...' However, I managed to keep a slightly happy, but still worried look plastered on my face as Yugi drove off. And I started looking around. Several people passed by, but I saw no one who seemed to want to talk to me. And rightfully so; who would want to talk to a scary-albino-looking guy who's translucent? But that's beside the point.

I glanced around at the seemingly endless sea of people for anyone who looked slightly out of the ordinary...and spotted my first target. Someone, wearing a black leather trenchcoat with a hood pulled up over his head, was approaching. He stopped right in front of me.

"Tomb robber," he hissed, "where's the pharaoh and the bunny?"

I moved slightly to let the stranger see behind me, where Bakura was innocently munching on some grass that happened to grow in the cracks between the sidewalk blocks. Snorting, the newcomer turned back to me. "And the pharaoh?"

"Coming."

Just at that moment, Yugi ran up. "Sorry it took so long, Ryou, but..." He stopped as he saw the stranger. "Friend of yours?"

I gave a small, humourless laugh. "Not exactly." Then I held out my hand, and Bakura jumped up into it. Yugi's eyes widened slightly – although I'm still not quite sure how that's possible – as he finally realized who I was. Then the Millennium Puzzle began to glow, and Yugi grew slightly, and his eyes shrunk.

"TOMB ROBBER!"

"We don't have time for introductions, pharaoh." Sometimes, I can't help but wonder at my own quick-wittedness.

"What do you want with my hikari? Why did you bring him here?"

"First answer: nothing. Second answer: because he brought you along. Now follow." Yami stayed put.

I was about to make some sort of slight on the pharaoh's courage, but the stranger interrupted...by pulling out a gun and aiming it at the pharaoh. "We don't have all night. Come on."

Yami drew himself up – as much as is humanly possible for him, that is – and glared. "I can't die, and you know it."

"Yes. But your precious hikari can. So...do you come with us, or do you sacrifice your hikari for a pass to the Shadow Realm?"

Yami's glare intensified, but he began walking forwards. The stranger fell behinds us, keeping the gun ready in case either of us should run. He turned his glare sideways at me. "You're going to the Shadow Realm for this, tomb robber."

"You'd have to beat me in a duel for that, pharaoh-no-baka."

"You say it like it would be a challenge, tomb-robber-no-baka."

"Throwing my insults back at me?"

"I use what works."

"Oh, so you're not clever enough to think of your _own_ insults, so you steal someone else's?"

"_I_ do not _steal_."

"Hey, you two." We both glanced back. The stranger had stopped by a black sedan with shaded windows. "Once you two stop bickering like an old married couple, you can get in the car."

We both gave him death glares as we got into the car.

OoOoOoO

_Hn. Stupid pharaoh. He's busy ranting to me about how I could very well get us all killed, and if I was a decent person, I wouldn't have gotten anyone into this mess. He's also saying something about if I had any shame, I'd jump off a cliff and save him the trouble of pushing me._

_Tuning out now..._

_This could be a very interesting step in the proceedings...and a very dangerous one. I may have to watch my step... But if my plan succeeds, the world will soon be mine! And then I can make it a better place to live in..._

_And I think I know where to start. The pharaoh is annoying. People would benefit muchly from his death._

_What do you mean 'muchly isn't a word?' MUCHLY IS A PERFECTLY GOOD WORD! So get rid of the stupid red line. Yes. THAT one. _(A/N: (slaps Bakura) You broke down the fourth wall, idiot! There is no red line in your journal!) _Hmm...maybe there isn't a red line...BUT IT'S STILL A WORD! YOU _DARE _TO INSULT THE MUCHLYNESS OF MUCHLY! _

_Ah. We have arrived. We shall discuss this later..._

OoOoOoO

"Welcome to my home."

"Oh, so it's _you_." Heh. I am so good at hiding my emotion.

"Naturally." Violet eyes glanced at the pharaoh's face, which was well on it's way to matching the purple hue. "Well, do come in. We have...things to discuss."

OoOoOoO

**Willowwind: **Yet another chapter done. (yawns) And high time, too. I wouldn't have finished it tonight if I didn't have...a motivation. I promised **Waffles4eva **that this chapter would be up today, so you can all thank her.

**Legolas: **DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

**Willowwind: **(tiredly knocks the knife out of Legolas' hand with a small burst of telepathic energy) So...sorry this chappie was so short...BUT I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! Now that it is summer...unless I am gone or busy beyond belief, updates will be WEEKLY. Yes. You heard me. WEEKLY.

**Legolas: **Kill me now.

**Willowwind: **(smile) You can thank **Waffles4eva **for that one, too. She said she'd fall out of her chair if I did. AND YOU'D BETTER! (turns back to audience) In other news, I'm posting this and going to bed. Goodnight, and leave a review, or I shall sic an angry Ryou on you.

Just one little thought...I've thought of a way to make this fic wind down pretty quick here...and it actually makes sense. So...unless you really want me to make the fic longer, and TELL me so...(coughBLACKMAILcough) I shall end the fic that way...in which case, we have...oh...four more chapters, give or take. Oh, and I shall NOT be counting two people's opinions on this: Legolas'...

**Legolas: **(sulks)

**Willowwind: **...and **Nachzes Black-Rider**'s. She'll tell me to quit now. I know she will. Now, I am leaving to post, so I can actually KEEP my promise, and post before tomorrow. REVIEW!


	12. Chapter 12

**Willowwind: **Back! SEE? I POSTED IN A WEEK! (snicker) Fall off your chair in surprise. You know who you are.

**Legolas:** ...

**Willowwind: **(gasp) He didn't say anything! (falls off her chair)

**Legolas: **Very funny.

**Willowwind: **I thought so. Now...reviews!

_Reviews_:

**Waffles4eva: **I updated. Oh, and about the length of the fic, I wouldn't worry about compromising the quality. I have an idea for continuing it. It won't be much longer than 4 chapters, but enough. 'Tis a better idea, too. I like it. And there'll probably be a sequel anyways.

**OneWhoWalksWithPigeons: **Heh... (sweatdrops) Okay, I'll make it longer. NOW WHERE'S MY CROISSANT? Ahem. Kacheek? Do you play on Neopets?

**Pikpik246**: Forever? (dies) But I think I'll make it longer. 

**Her Sweetness: **(mutter) Not my fault updates take forever. If my parents hadn't put the stupid BAN on computer time... But it's gone now, so I have more time to write. Plus, there's no exams.

**Computerfreak101: **Yes...I plan on keeping the fic longer...but it'll end sooner or later. And then, unless I am completely sick of YuGiOh and fanfiction, there will be a sequel. And I reviewed that one fic. Happy now?

**My Seto: **Uh...them? I kinda didn't bring them in to be muses. See, my Legolas isn't the actual one...he's a muse who looks like Legolas. And I don't have the other muses. And it's Aragorn. There.

**bakura's soulmate: **Waitasec. If you read this fic a year ago...I don't believe I've even been on ff.n for a year. Ah well, I get your meaning. Glad you found it again! Thanks!

**Nachzes Black-Rider: **I know you're not going to be reading this until there's a whole lot of other chappies, too, but anyhoo...(falls off chair) YOU ACTUALLY WANT ME TO CONTINUE? (faints) As to our Plan, it kinda...didn't fit in just yet. And it might not for a while. But by the time you're reading this, it'll probably already be up. Unless you find a computer in France. If so, how is it over there? If not, how WAS it over there?

**Puzzlie: **Yeah...I rush chappies sometimes. It's a bad habit. But now that I know that readers know when I rush, maybe I'll stop. Maybe. Thanks for reviewing!

**DreamCherry66: **Hm...what makes you think that Bakura and co. WON'T take over the world in THIS fic? But I'm gonna make it longer, and I'm probably gonna make a sequel. Thank you for reviewing!

**Willowwind: **There. That takes care of that.

**Legolas: **Shorter. SHORTER, I SAY!

**Willowwind: **Yups. That's right. In case I haven't already told you, I'm keeping the fic longer. I figure it'll be around 20 chapters. And then there'll probably be a sequel.

**Legolas: **(whacks head repeatedly on wall)

**Willowwind: **Ah, he'll get over it. So...roll fic!

_Disclaimer_: Answer something for me. If I owned it, WHY would I be writing _fanfiction_ about it?

_Warnings_: Ryou's mad...

_**The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great**_

_Chapter Twelve_

I glanced around as we were lead into a room, looking for any valuables that might need...liberating...later on. Our host motioned for us to sit down at a rectangular wooden table. I sat immediately, but the pharaoh didn't. He stood by the table, glaring daggers at everyone and muttering something about the Shadow Realm being too good for us.

"Sit!" Our host motioned for Yami to sit down. Slowly, he obeyed, still muttering.

"So...I suppose you are wondering what I brought you here for?" he asked. I gave a nod, keeping my face impassive. "Well, gentlemen, I have a proposal for you. Recently, I became aware of your plan to take over the world." Yami stopped muttering and stared at our host like he was crazy. "At first, I was thinking of stopping you, as I also had a plan for world domination, and you might have gotten in my way. But then I thought, why make enemies when, together, you could be stronger as a team?"

"So you wish for us to join you in your...venture." I stated. He nodded, smirking.

"Will you join me?"

"It's a possibility. I would have to discuss it with my partners here, somewhere...alone?"

"Of course." He stood. "Follow me."

I picked up Bakura and followed, motioning for Yami to follow as well. To my surprise, he did. "Here you are." Our host opened a door for us, and then left, closing the door behind himself. Then the pharaoh pounced.

"TOMB ROBBER! I SHALL BURN YOU ALIVE AND SENTENCE YOUR ASHES TO THE SHADOW REALM FOR THIS!"

"Hm, you've had time to think about this, haven't you?"

"I SHALL NOT BE CAUGHT UP IN ANY UNDERHANDED SCHEME TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

"If you wouldn't mind, I'd very much appreciate if you'd turn your volume down a bit."

"I WON'T! I'M LEAVING!"

"You might have some difficulty with that."

"YOU WISH!" He strode over to the door and tried turning the knob. It was locked.

"There. Now that we all know that we're stuck, maybe we can talk about this like civilized people." The pharaoh marched back over, a vein throbbing in his forehead.

"Very good. So, what do you think of this?" I asked Bakura. He looked thoughtful for a moment, then rocked his head back and forth, showing indecision. Then he gave Yami a very hard stare.

I translated. "You think it might not be a bad idea, but you'd prefer to work without him, because you think he'll completely take over. And you don't think Yami should be in this, because he'd ruin everything." Bakura nodded. "Maybe you're right. I'd also prefer to work alone, but he might have access to resources that we couldn't possibly get on our own. But as for Yami...he stays. Now that he knows what we're doing, he'll probably try to save the world. So, as harmful as he may be to our plot, he's less harmful here than not on our team, working to stop us."

"I AM NOT ON YOUR TEAM, AND I SHALL SAVE THE WORLD FROM YOU AND YOUR EVIL PLOT! AND THEN I WILL MAKE YOU RUE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN!"

"Of course you will," I remarked absently. Then I began talking to the bunny. "So...should we take his offer? We could always figure out a way to...put him in his place...if he tries taking control..." Bakura nodded, grinning evilly. I turned back to Yami.

"I'm sorry, Pharaoh, but you've been outvoted."

"I WAS ONCE RULER OF ANCIENT EGYPT! I SHALL MAKE THE FINAL DECISION!"

"Welcome to the present, Pharaoh. It's called DEMOCRACY."

"I don't like it." Yami pouted.

"Nor does anyone. Democracy is a way to make sure everyone is equally unhappy. Now come on." I walked over to the door. "We've come to our decision," I called. Our host opened the door.

"We have agreed to join you, but under some conditions. First, we will all have an equal say in the decisions that are made. Also, neither me or any of my partners will be put alone into life-threatening situations, or used as bait. Do we have an accord?"

"We do indeed, gentlemen." He held out his hand, and I shook it.

"Wonderful. You have now gone from being my adversaries...to being my prisoners. Guards! Take them away." Yami Malik smirked as we were dragged off.

OoOoOoO

Ryou glanced around anxiously. Their performance was on in five minutes, and Yugi still wasn't there. And they couldn't exactly do their act without him, as he was one of the two lead singers...

"'Ey, Ryou! Is Yug' 'ere yet?"

"No. I wonder what's keeping him..." Ryou took out my cell phone and dialed his home number. No one picked up.

'What could be keeping him? Wait a second...' The hikari's eyes narrowed in suspicion as he dialed his own home number. If Bakura was there, he would pick up, and pretend that he was some obscure store to make people think they called the wrong number. Four rings. No one picked up. The answering machine came on.

"Bakura..." Ryou muttered. Then he began shouting through the mind link.

'_BAKURA!_'

'**...Yes, hikari?'**

'_WHERE ARE YOU?'_

**'Um...at home?'**

'_THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?' _

**'B-because...you told me not to?'**

'_And you thought I'd get mad at you?' _

'**Yes.' **

'_How did you know it was me?' _

'**Uh...caller ID?'**

'_One. We don't HAVE caller ID. Two. YOU CAN'T READ!'_

**'Uh...so?'**

'_WHERE ARE YOU?'_

'**I was kidnapped.' **

'_WHERE ARE YOU NOW?'_

'**I don't know.'**

'_Is Yugi with you?'_

'**...Maybe.'**

'_HE'S THERE?'_

'**Yup. They kidnapped him, too.'**

'_Who did?'_

'**Yami Malik.'**

'_Are you at Ishizu's house, then?' _

'**No.'**

_'I'm going to come find you. AND THEN YOU'LL WISH YOU'D DIED PROPERLY BACK IN EGYPT!'_

And with that threat, Ryou shut the mental link. Then he turned to the rest of the gang. "Come on. Yugi and my yami are in trouble. We have to go help them."

"But what about the performance?" Tristan asked.

"It'll have to wait. We have to go. Come on." Ryou grabbed his car keys and exited the school auditorium, followed by the others.

OoOoOoO

_Stupid tomb keeper. I knew I couldn't trust him. Why didn't I listen to myself? _

_So...status report. Bakura-bunny is trying to tunnel out of the dirt floor of the room we're in. The pharaoh is currently looking for heavy objects to whack me with. I am writing, and trying to use my great brain to think of a way out. And trying to keep the mind link with Ryou closed. _

_Just for this, I shall escape, and I shall take over the world before the tomb keeper! And after that, I shall sentence the tomb keeper to the Shadow Realm and destroy the item that he's in. I don't know if that'd make him gone from the Shadow Realm completely, but I don't really care. Just as long as he's gone and can't come back. _

_In fact...why don't I steal some weapons from Yami Malik? I could take some thins, and use them to take over the world! _

_Now Yami's muttering something about how he'd like to kill democracy with his bare hands... Oh! I think I could use that to get him to join us! I could just tell him th_

_(HUGE scribble) _

_Yami found something to whack me over the head with. What is it? _

_AAH! A HAMBURGER FLIP_

_(scribble) _

_Hamburger flipper. Must run. More later. Hopefully. _

OoOoOoO

**Willowwind: **(stare) I finished the whole thing! In just a few hours! WHILE talking on MSN!

**Legolas: **And WHILE ignoring the fact that you're supposed to be doing your chores.

**Willowwind: **I'll do them later, Conscience. Now I must post this! Please leave a review before you go?


	13. Chapter 13

**Willowwind: **I can explain. ...Does anyone else get déjà vu from that?

**Legolas: **Hmm...I wonder why?

**Willowwind: **Okay, to start off with...major writer's block. Couldn't think of ANYTHING on ANY story. AT ALL. Then, when I got over that...a little before it, actually...my computer stopped letting me see some pages...AND THE LOGIN PAGE ON FF.N WAS ONE OF THEM! I couldn't even log in to sign reviews... So then I went on vacation for a while, and I was still busy when I came back, but not as busy. So...I tried again. Still not working. In fact, the whole INTERNET isn't working on my computer as I'm writing this. My dad's resetting it...maybe it'll work then... And then I can post this long-overdue chappie.

_Updated note: _I extended it a bit. I hope that may partially make up for its lateness.

**Legolas: **...You didn't do the reviews.

**Willowwind: **Ah, yes. Thank you. This replies to ALL the reviews I got, even the ones for that ridiculously wrong note. Apologies for that too.

_Reviews_:

**Waffles4eva: **Hey, the deal was that I get it up within a week. It said nothing about making it long. And it was only a very few words shorter than ch. 11. I think this one'll be longer... Making slights on democracy is fun. I just might make a few more.

**Pikpik246: **Hm...I guess you have a point. I'll probably be writing fanfiction for my original stories someday...if I ever finish them...

**Suggarrush: **I like your name. And I don't think Bakura's head hurts much...his hair is so poofy, I doubt much pain got through.

**Dying Angel Ryou: **Yes...chores...I got in trouble for not doing them. Oh well...at least my computer time isn't restricted again.

**Her Sweetness: **My mom cut my time a while ago...hence the period of almost no updates. And it was because 'I was spending too much time on the computer'. So, what'd you do?

**person: **Really, I have no idea why a hamburger flipper would be in a prison cell. I'll think of something and put it in the chappie.

**WolfSisterKorrina: **Uh, thanks. And I update every...Tuesday for me...might be Wednesday in some places before I update. But that's all beside the point. Thanks for your kind words.

**Computerfreak101: **(goes very red) So many compliments... Ah, so you're a PotO fan, too? I had an idea for a fic a while ago...I believe I lost it. And tell your yami I do care. I like reading PotO fanfiction, and if you write one, I'll read it.

**WolfSisterJazlynn: **No...I don't think Bakura gets hurt very much. One, he's a spirit thingee. Two, he has poofy hair that would most likely take most of the blow. So no worries. He's fine. Thank you for reviewing and e-mailing!

**Nachzes Black-Rider: **You REVIEWED! (glomps you) So, I take it they have a cat there. That is black. And you like it. And do French keyboards have keys with letters with accents? Cause it's very annoying to do it on these. And you know me better than any other reviewer. Would I really SWEAR in my chappies? I'm assuming that's why you went back and checked. Were you typing something else and then had to go? Cause that's the only explanation I can think of for the Fra thing. Meh. ARE YOU UPDATING YOUR LJ? I could go check, of course, but we all know I'm lazy.

**redconvoy: **Yeah...I'm not saying I don't like democracy more than other things, but it can get a little annoying when the party you want is never voted in...

**BakaBakurasotherlady: **You're very welcome. I love writing this fic.

**Shikyo666: **Eh heh...thanks so much for pointing out the flaw...I missed a word. Supposed to be 'you can't read Japanese'. Cause he's not writing in Japanese. Egyptian. Yes... Sorry!

**Dragon-Charmer16: **Uh...very much randomness. Well, here's an update!

**Hui Xie: **Aww...(patpatpat) Thanks for reviewing, though. I shall review every chapter of your YGO HP cross if it KILLS ME! And it's 141, with your review. Happy birthday in a few days, btw...

_Reviews for my note:_

**DreamCherry66: **...For some reason, I didn't get an alert when you reviewed. So I didn't have a response written in here. How odd. Anyhoo...here's the chappie, and sorry for its lateness again.Thank you for your patience!

**Computerfreak101: **...You scare me muchly. That is the closest thing to a flame I've ever gotten. Yes, I was planning on deleting the note. I didn't want to put it up, but my conscience would not let me go off to camp without putting up some sort of notice as to why the chappie wasn't up yet. So yes, I'm aware I broke rules, and I'm sorry fer it, but I think that a little rule-breaking should be allowed to prevent my death from angry reviewers, don't you?

**person: **(sob) Yes, I know it's way too late. Sorry! ...But I did update.

**bakura's soulmate: **Yes! Better late than never! Thank you for being patient.

**Thief-Joelle: **Heh...well...I _hope_ it's supergood...

**WolfSisterKorrina: **I like camp...it just interferes with my writing time. Thanks for waiting!

**My Seto: **Hmm...three week camp? (stare) I'll be back in school by then. You must not be from Canada. Either that or you go to a private school... So, I guess you won't be reading this for a while, then... Ah well. Please leave a review when you get back?

**Willowwind: **There we go. Now enjoy the next chapter of the fic!

**Legolas: **Make me.

**Willowwind: **I wasn't talking to you. Roll fic!

_Disclaimer_: WHAT DO YOU THINK?

_Warnings_: Stupidity, kitchen appliances...you know the story. Oh! And the introduction of some new characters who are every bit as OOC as the others!

_Updated note 2: _Thank you immensely to **Shikyo666 **for pointing out a flaw in the previous chappie. Bakura is writing in his journal in _Egyptian._ The caller ID in Japan would be in _Japanese_, or so I assume. So he can't read Japanese, and that's what Ryou was talking about through the mental link when he said that Bakura couldn't read. I think I changed it...but if I didn't, that's what that was about.

_**The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great**_

**Chapter Thirteen**

_How Yami found a hamburger flipper in here is quite beyond me. I mean, he may be the Pharaoh and all, but that still gives him NO RIGHT to change what makes sense to suit himself! Humph. He probably summoned it from the Shadow Realm or something. _(A/N: A wonderful theory, Bakura. But we'll never know...)

_Just for that, I'm not talking to him. I have more important things to do anyways. Like finding a way out of this room. This should not pose a problem. I am Bakura! The greatest tomb robber in history! King of thieves! Prince of ticking the Pharaoh off! Not that the last one has anything to do with escape abilities...it could, though. I had to run a lot. So now I'm fast. Muaha. Still...I CANNOT BE CONTAINED! _

_Just...hindered for a while. -.-;_

_Well...there doesn't seem to be any way out besides the door. Well, that's not entirely true. I could technically go back into the Ring, and I'd be out, but Ryou would kill me three times over...first for leaving Bakura here, then for leaving the Pharaoh and the Midget here, and then for running away in general. He could do it, you know. I don't die. So he could kill me a few times, because I wouldn't die. Yes. That makes sense. _

_Yes, it does._

_Yes, it does._

_Yes, it does. _

_Someone's coming. Hold on._

_NO, YOU HAVE NOT WON! I JUST HAD TO GO LOOK AT WHO'S COMING! It's Malik, btw. _

_No, you haven't._

_No, you haven't. _

_No, you haven't._

_No, you haven't. _

_I don't have time for this! I'll deal with you later! We're being taken off somewhere right now. _

_No, you haven't. And I'm gonna shut you before you argue again. _

OoOoOoO

Snapping his journal shut angrily, Bakura stuffed the book into his pocket and stood to face the not-so-light hikari who just opened the door.

"Follow me," Malik ordered, turning to leave.

I snorted, smirking at him. "And if we don't?"

Malik tiredly pulled his gun out. "We don't have time for this, tomb robber."

"I can't be killed."

"So you've mentioned. But the bunny can, and I doubt your hikari would like seeing it dead." A small amount of concern rose up in me as he redirected his aim to the small black furball on the floor. 'Wait a second. Concern? I don't like that stupid bunny. At all. I just...don't want Ryou to get mad.'

Good enough. (A/N: **Nachzes**, if you don't recognize that, I shall smack you. And I don't care if you're in France. I shall anyways. I wrote more, btw. And if you recognized it, you'll know what I'm talking about.)

"Fine." I picked up Bakura and motioned for the Pharaoh to follow, but I didn't speak to him, because I wasn't speaking to him. ...And yes, that did make sense.

Yes, it did.

Stop laughing at me, you pathetic mortals! (A/N: (slap) BAKURA, IF YOU DON'T STOP BREAKING DOWN THE FOURTH WALL AND INSULTING REVIEWERS AWAY, I SHALL SIC RYOU ON YOU!)

Meep.

(A/N: I MEAN _NOW_!)

OoOoOoO

"Ryou?"

"Hm?"

"Do you have any clue where we're going?"

"Yup. Bakura was mentioning that he wanted to go out to get kidnapped tonight. I didn't actually think he was serious, though..."

"Who would've? So, where are we going?"

"81st ave. and 111th st."

"You think they'll be there?"

"I think it's a good place to start."

OoOoOoO

We were lead into a small, dark room, not at all unlike the one we had just come out of. Yami Malik was sitting on a chair opposite two empty chairs, which he motioned for us to sit in. I did so, dragging the pharaoh down with me and pushing him into the other chair.

"What do you want?" Yami glared sullenly at our captor.

The blond yami smirked. "I thought we could just sit down and discuss our current situation like gentlemen." Yami and I remained silent, both finding it wise to refrain from commenting at the sheer idiocy of the statement. (A/N: Sorry. Me vocabulary has been suppressed for quite some time, and it appears to be forcing itself out right now...) "Here is where we stand: all three of you are at my mercy, and must do whatever I say if you wish to keep your lives...or, in the case of Bakura, your freedom from the Shadow Realm. I have a plan to take over the world, and you three are going to help me. You are going to do exactly as I say, or...let me assure you that you'll regret it."

A plan was forming in my mind already. "And what is it you want us to do?"

That smirk again. If he didn't have bodyguards everywhere, I'd get up and smack it off his face. "I knew you'd see it my way. Now, here is what I need you to do..."

OoOoOoO

Yami Malik watched as his prisoners exited the room to follow his command. His hikari waited until the door was shut before commenting on the plan.

"Are you seriously going to trust _them_ with the fate of this whole next step?"

The yami leaned back, a calm half-smile on his face. "You must learn to trust me, Malik. Would I have trusted them with the fate of the mission if I wasn't _absolutely_ sure they could handle it?"

"I suppose not," Malik replied humbly.

"Precisely. They shall carry out this next step exactly as planned...they don't have a choice."

OoOoOoO

(A/N: I was gonna end the chappie right here, but I know too much math: long waiting period plus ridiculously short update equals dead authoress, and I don't believe I'd like that. But I had a problem...I had no planned plot from here. So I went with the general authoress pleasing crowd ploy...when everything else deserts you, add more characters. I only know of four more characters who haven't been used yet, as I don't watch the show, and I'm about to stick two of them in. One is coming in very much later, and one I don't plan to have in at all. But you didn't need to know that. So just for that, I ain't tellin' you who's comin' in. But it should be obvious anyways. And if **Nachzes **doesn't get it, I shall smack her. ...Same to **Waffles4eva**. You have been warned, my friends. Now I end the long AN and get back to the story.)

OoOoOoO

_Approximately Five Hours Later_

The cool night air blew into his home as he stepped inside and shut the door. He had a bad day; a tylenol or something of the sort would be a good idea now. And maybe some coffee to help keep him awake – he had a lot of work to do still. (A/N: -.- This is so obvious, it's not even funny. I give up. I put who it is in, because it's easier, and it's too obvious anyways.)

The brunet looked up, expecting to see his little brother come racing down the stairs in his pajamas to ask how his day went. Nothing. Perhaps Mokuba was asleep...

Work forgotten, Seto made his way up the stairs, towards the younger boy's room. The door was shut, as it would be if Mokuba were in there. He gave a quiet knock on the door, then a bit louder when he got no response. Still nothing. He tried the door handle – it was unlocked.

His face remained impassive as he stepped inside the darkened room. Wind blew in through the completely open window, and Mokuba wasn't there. His irises had shrunk to about the size of a pencil point, but his expression was otherwise indecipherable. He glanced around the room, and soon found what he was looking for. A note. Upon further examination, it proved to be computer-printed and short.

"If you wish to see your brother again, then come to 81st ave. and 111th st. tomorrow night at 8:00 sharp. Do not bring anyone with you, and do not tell anyone where you're going, or your brother's life will be forfeit."

Only the night listened as the young CEO sighed. "Again?"

OoOoOoO

_Stupid tomb keeper. Making us do his dirty work, then expecting to claim all the rewards at the end. And kidnapping the priest's brother wasn't easy...that place has technology in its security that shouldn't exist for about another hundred years. _

_In fact, if I wasn't the king of thieves, I don't believe I would've managed it. _

_Oh, stop laughing at me. It's true. _

_TRUE! TRUE I SAY! _

_Yes, I was bragging. You have a problem with that? _

_Suffer. _

_I'm going to ignore that. Now, I just have to wait for the opportune moment to pull my plan into action, and then the tomb keeper and his hikari will no longer be problems. But I still need to get the pharaoh onto my side. Thankfully, I know how to do that. _

_Honestly, Yami Malik must be three fries short of a Happy Meal if he doesn't see the hole in his plot. It's about as big as that state in the US that starts with a 'T', but I cannot be bothered to remember that now. _(A/N: If you are American and were offended by that statement, I apologize. Now stop taking everything so personally.) _Ah well, all the better for me. It's almost too easy. Which, at this point in time, is a good thing. _

_Well, here's the tomb keeper's plan. I'm surprised...it's not as idiotic as he is. Malik must've helped him think it u_

_(SCRIBBLE) _

_Running in circles now. Apparently the tomb keeper doesn't appreciate being called idiotic or three fries short of a Happy Meal. Not that I blame him for that, but he'd do himself a favour if he'd just realize the tru_

_(SCRIBBLE)_

_Tomb keeper has small clay pot. Must run. More later. Maybe._

OoOoOoO

**Willowwind: **And that, unfortunately, is the end of the chappie.

**Legolas: **Unfortunately?

**Willowwind: **Not to you, possibly.

**Willowwind's Mom: **WILLOWWIND! GET TO BED BEFORE I DISSECT YOU! (_Disclaimer_: She didn't actually say that.)

**Willowwind: **(sigh) Fine. I'll post this in the morning. Maybe the internet will be working by then. G'night, everyone, and please review!

_Updated note: _I is posting now. Which is not exactly morning, but who cares? It's up, ain't it? Yes, the internet is working. I is happy. Muchly happy. NOW REVIEW, OR YOU SHALL NEVER SEE ANOTHER UPDATE AGAIN!


	14. Chapter 14

**Willowwind: **BAAAAAACK! Update could've been quicker, but...

**Legolas: **(sniffle)

**Willowwind: **(blink) (pokes Legolas-muse) Why are you sad?

**Legolas: **I'm not. I'm...happy... (sniff)

**Willowwind: **...You're happy that this chappie is up? (disbelief)

**Legolas: **No, you naïve idiot. One of the reviewers...feels sorry for me...

**Willowwind:** Ah, yes. That. So...reviews!

_Reviews:_

**Lord hack: **...You do not need to feel sorry for Legolas. He really likes the fic...I know he does. He just acts like that. Something about male ego. I isn't male. I don't know why. (Legolas: I heard that!) Eh. He's also an elf, which must give the ego another boost. Nothing to worry about. But yes, feel sorry for the others. And thank you for liking my fic! (And sorry if you're male – I'm sure not all males have the ego problem...)

**Dragon-Charmer16: **(scrambles to update) Soon enough? Probably not...sorry... Oh, and your yami is crazy. I just noticed that. Because when I go crazy, I twitch like that. It's fun. You might want to stick her in a room with padded walls until she settles down and promises not to kill the authoress. Please?

**Wormapple: **Hm...maybe if you stuck the meat cleaver in a cannon and then used the cannon to blow it out, you could shoot it at me. But that wouldn't be nice, cause then I couldn't update ever. I may use a meat cleaver, but I don't want to hurt Bakura-sama any more than necessary to make the audience laugh. Must go. Bakura is glaring at me now.

**Pikpik246: **Yeah, I was thinking Texas. But either works, really. Cause they're both bigger than I am. But that's not difficult to manage.

**Puzzlie: **So...many...compliments... (goes bright red) And no criticism, either! I hope this chapter measures up to the rest...

**Shikyo666: **Thanks again for pointing that out. I hate it when I make plot holes...anyhoo...here's an update...I think it's funny, at least...

**Her Sweetness: **(sputters incoherently) I don't...write...lemons... (points desperately at the rating) In fact, I'm not the greatest romance writer, period. This ain't exactly a romance fic, see. (realizes she is ranting) (stops) Sorry. Anyhoo, thanks for reviewing!

**random fan of willowwind: **(goes very red) Thank you...

**Waffles4eva: **Ooh, long review...and a plot hole! (shrieks) I MUST FIX! After I get this up, that is. It's been waiting long enough. And I'm seriously considering the sherbet and coffee thing...

**pointe master: **So many reviews...thank you... (hides from you under her chair) Bakura can't die! He's a spirit! Don't worry, I promise not to kill him off! And, in case you hadn't noticed, bad things have been happening to him for a while now. But it'll all turn out fine. You'll see.

**Nachzes Black-Rider: **You has a strange sense of humour... And yes. I was talking about FH. And I wrote more. Again. Oh, and remind me to send you my attempt at an angsty one-shot when it's done. I think it's sad...

**Willowwind: **Thank you muchly to everyone who reviewed. Cookies to all!

**Legolas: **They felt sorry for me...

**Willowwind: **Quit that, Legolas, before I go crazy.

**Legolas: **Oh dear...

**Willowwind: **(grins insanely) Worms? I hate worms. They make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a home. And I died there. And then the worms came. Worms? I hate worms...

**Legolas: **(pushes button that says 'Roll Fic' very quickly, and the maniacal laughter in the background fades away...)

_Disclaimer: _Don't own noffink. Don't even own the rant I was using up there. Someone else made it. NOW GO AWAY! (PS. Bakura-bunny is mine, even if his name isn't...)

_Warnings:_ OOC-ness much, random weapons, an evil plot, a half-evil plot that someone with half a brain could tell wouldn't work and yet it does, a not-so-evil plot, Bakura-bunny back in action, and chocolate. Much, much chocolate. Fear muchly. WAHAHAHAHAHA!

("") – Someone speaking in Egyptian

_**The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great**_

**Chapter Fourteen**

_Here I am again. Stuck in a room with the pharaoh and the bunny. Bakura-bunny's quiet. I can live with him. The pharaoh, however, is now drawing plans for world domination in the dirt, whilst muttering something about coffee. It's starting to scare me._

_So...update on the situation...the stupid tomb keeper forced our little group to go kidnap the priest's little brother. An evil plan, you see. Yami Malik's gonna force Kaiba to work for him...that way, he has labour (us) and unlimited technology access (priest-baka). Right now, our captors are keeping Mokuba in check. I don't envy them...the kid's been eating sugar. High as a kite._

_So what if that was a sentence fragment? _

_I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT GRAMMAR! _

_You might want to shut your non-existent mouth before I shut it for you. _

_That's better._

_So, we're being held hostage, slaves to some idiotic evil plan. Thankfully, I have been forming an evil plan of my own. I just must go over it with m_

_(SCRIBBLE)_

_What was that? Something just flew through the door an_

_(SCRIBBLE) (tear in notebook page here) _

_Something else just flew through the door. And the something is still on top of me. And I think it's alive. Hold on while I prod it... _

_(SCRIBBLE)_

_Owie..._

_Yup. It's alive. _

_Ah. Off of me now. I see...Seto and Mokuba Kaiba just flew through the door and landed on me. _

_My back hurts. _

_Update on the situation: the priest is sitting on the floor, looking very confused as he stares first at me writing in my journal, then at Bakura-bunny wandering in aimless circles, then at the pharaoh – screaming something about muffins in Egyptian. The priest's little brother is running around us in circles – he's still sugar-high. Ah well. _

_Hmm...it's awfully quiet. Perhaps I should attempt to engage the priest in some sort of conversation... _

OoOoOoO

"Kaiba. What're you doing here?" I figured I'd best play innocent, as though I hadn't the faintest idea what he or his brother were doing here. We were in an enclosed area with nowhere to run, after all...

"I'm sitting."

"Good for you. Do you want to explain why you are sitting _here_, as opposed to at your mansion?"

"Because I landed here."

"No, you did not. You landed on me."

"Well, if you'd prefer that I sit on you..."

"Ah, no." I paused. "I suppose that your little brother got kidnapped again?"

Mokuba answered for us. "YES I WAS HOW EVER DID YOU GUESS I WAS JUST SITTING AND EATING POCKY AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE WAS THIS BAG OVER ME AND THEN I WAS BEING TAKEN AWAY AND NOW I'M HERE AND SETO'S HERE SO WE SHOULD HAVE SOME SUGAR!"

"Mokuba. Calm down." I was sweatdropping, naturally, but apparently, this wasn't an uncommon occurrence, as Kaiba was completely calm.

"BUT SETO THIS IS SO FUN YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME BIG BROTHER I KNOW YOU'D LOVE IT CAUSE I LOVE IT AND THERE'S NO ONE WHO DOESN'T LOVE IT AND SUGAR TASTES GOOD AND YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME IN YOUR COFFEE SOMETIME!"

The priest sighed. "Is there any way out of here? I need to get my little brother home and give him his medicine."

"Possibly. I have a plan..."

"Oh?" The pharaoh had stopped ranting about muffins and was listening now.

"Soon, guards will come to take us to see Malik and his yami. They'll want to discuss how they're gonna drag us into their newest plot. And when this happens, here's what I propose we do..."

OoOoOoO

_Five minutes later_

"You're insane."

"What? It's a wonderful plan! _And _it'll make the tomb keeper look like the idiot he is!"

"No comment."

"You don't think it'll work."

"Brilliant, Sherlock."

"I'll prove it! Just try it, and you'll see."

"Even the _bunny_ thinks it's stupid."

"What makes you say that?"

"He's laughing at you." Seto pointed, and there was Bakura-bunny, rolling around and pounding his little paws on the ground. I glared at him, and he immediately sat up and gave me the most innocent eyes he could manage with a huge smirk on his little face and his entire form shaking with mirth.

"Well? Does anyone have a better idea?"

Yami grinned goofily. "I think it's a great idea!"

I smirked. "See?"

"Yugi is officially insane. His opinion doesn't count."

"Well, if you don't have a better idea, I suggest we try mine."

"...You realize you're going to get us all killed."

"Except me." I gave him a huge grin, then turned towards the door as it opened and a guard entered.

OoOoOoO

"Here we are." Ryou hopped out of his car, followed by the rest of his companions. "And...they're not here."

"Who'd you say has 'em captive again?"

"Malik. I can't get much more info, though. Bakura's shut off the mind link."

"Well, where d'you think we should go next?"

"Nowhere. Let's wait here and see if they come back. I'll keep trying to get through to Bakura."

OoOoOoO

Slowly, we followed the guard towards a different room. Yami was still muttering about the stupidity of everything and everyone around him. I was pretty sure he was going insane. I had a perfect plot...of COURSE it would work!

We were led inside the room, in front of the two smiling blonds. No doubt, they wanted us to start a new plan. But before they could so much as open their mouths, I sprang our plan into action.

I pointed at a random bit of wall. "Oh! Look! A diversion!"

They all looked.

And our party ran like there was no tomorrow.

OoOoOoO

_Update on the situation: we are now locked in a room with only a tiny window that even the pharaoh's midget couldn't hope to get through, and a whole bunch of information about the world-domination plans. You'd think, with all this info, they could at least have the address we're at written somewhere. But NOOOO..._

_Of course I'm not looking for it, you dimwitted journal! You know I can't read Japanese!_

_...Hold on, Kaiba's asking me something..._

_...Oh._

_The notes are in Egyptian._

_Whoopsie._

_Oh, be quiet._

_I'M GOING TO BURN YOU!_

OoOoOoO

"Bakura!"

"What?"

"What are you doing with that match?"

"Uh... Ow!" It burned me, and I dropped it. Seto stepped on the small fire that ensued and put it out. "I'm burning myself, of course."

"And attempting to burn the rest of us..." he muttered. "Well, what do you propose we do?"

"Ryou needs to find out where we are, so he can come and get us out of here. And to do that..." I grabbed a slip of paper, wrote a short message on it, and attached it to Bakura-bunny's ear.

"Bakura?"

"Hmm?"

"Nobody in Ryou's group can read Egyptian."

"Ah..."

OoOoOoO

_Fifteen minutes later_

I opened the tiny window, and dropped Bakura-bunny – with a new note, written by Kaiba attached to his ear – out onto the lawn below.

"Go find Ryou," I whispered to him. "Bring him back here."

Bakura-bunny nodded, then scurried off.

"I hope he hurries," Seto muttered. "Malik'll have this door broken down in no time, and then we'll all be prisoners again."

We silently watched him go – even Mokuba had settled down slightly at the gravity of the situation. And then the silence was broken with sudden Egyptian.

("Ping-pong! I love ping-pong! The ball goes ping and then pong...oh...pong...horrible stench, like...SKUNKS! I hate skunks! They make such an awful pong...oh! PING-PONG!")

"What's he saying?" Mokuba asked, confused.

"..."

"Well?"

"For your sanity's sake, you do not want to know."

OoOoOoO

**Willowwind: **WHEE THAT WAS FUN! Not quite as long as I had hoped, but...FUN!

**Legolas: **You're awfully hyper for so late at night...

**Willowwind: **Before I forget...thanks to **Waffles4eva **for the phrase 'High as a kite', even if she didn't make it. And now, back to the present. YES I AM!

**Legolas: **...Dare I ask why?

**Willowwind: **YOU MAY! I GOTS A FLUTE! (runs around in circles, hugging her new flute)

**Legolas: **Oh no...first comes the flute, then comes...

**Willowwind: **(begins playing Phantom of the Opera songs on her flute) (pauses) I actually can, ya know. Ever so much fun.

**Legolas: **(dies)

**Willowwind: **Well, we can't have that, can we? (writes Legolas back in)

**Legolas: **Rats.

**Willowwind: **This AN is already too long, so GO REVIEW! (prods audience members with her flute) REVIEW OR I SHALL NEVER RETURN! (wanders off, laughing maniacally)


	15. Chapter 15

**Willowwind: **This was supposed to be finished quite a while ago, but my muse ran off. (smacks Legolas upside the head)

**Legolas: **Ow! It's not my fault that your plot bunnies all died!

**Willowwind: **I guess not, but I need to blame somebody, and you're not allowed to leave. I even had to use my authoress powers to get you to come back! Bad Legolas! (smacks again) So...reviews!

_Reviews_:

**Thief-Joelle: **I actually like this fic too, which is odd for me. Anyhoo, hope you like this chappie!

**person: **Heh...I liked that line... I think I used tongs already, but thanks anyways!

**Waffles4eva: **(head inflates) Arghble! (squishes head down to normal size AGAIN) Thankies! Oh, and Bakura doesn't know where they are, so him talking through the mind link would be pointless. If Bakura-bunny goes to find Ryou and co., he can lead them back. So that was really the only way it'd work. Now let me ask you a question: would I honestly kill of a cute little bunny in a HUMOUR FIC?

**Dying Angel Ryou: **I go hyper on life. Thanks for reading!

**Pikpik246: **(sniffle) Well, if you really don't want me to come back...I WILL ANYWAYS! Mweeheehee... Why is your yami mad at you for going to school? That's required by the law. If it wasn't, this thing would probably update a lot faster...

**Puzzlie: **Yes, that last chapter was meant to be funnier than anything. This whole fic was, but you can't have an entirely humour fic and still have plot. So I have to settle for somewhere in the middle. Ah well...

**DreamCherry66: **(cries) You are mocking me and my tendency to say 'yesh'! (perks up) I dunno. Do you have an alarm clock?

**pointe master: **Do not worry. We are all crazy here.

**PUNX13: **I'm writing, I'm writing! Mwee flute! (prances around)

**AssaianQueen: **You changed your name. I do not understand it. And I'm insane too. So it's most likely a good thing you don't know me. Cause I scare people. And enjoy it.

**Shikyo666: **Thank you. Oh, and that song...never heard of it...is it rap? That's the only type of song I can't understand...

**Bella The Unicorn: **Mwee...thank you... (attempts to stop inflating head)

**Nachzes Black-Rider: **Oneshot will take a while... No! You cannot burn Bakura! I still need him for the fic! (grabs Bakura out of the flames) And I got the worm phrase from a friend at church. So steal away. Just say it isn't yours.

**My Seto: **Well, hope you had fun at camp. And insane Yami is ever so much fun to write. Just type the first random thing that pops into your head, and embellish a bit, and away you go...

**person: **No killing the reviewers, please. And have no fear. I am crazy too. And my head is swelling again.

**BakaBakurasotherlady: **Did I check your fic? (checks) No, I did not! But I have been busy, so I apologize. And I shall check it the moment I have some free time. And am not writing this.

**Dragon-Charmer16: **Fear not, I shall block any bullets sent my way with my telepathic shield of telepathicness...and being in a room with padded walls is fun. Cause you bounce off the walls! Wheeee! (In case you were wondering, no, I have never been in a room with padded walls. I wish I had.)

**Computerfreak101: **Mine head is permanently inflated. Thank you!

**Ryuujin: **Oh, I wouldn't bother running off. Bakura's too pathetic to manage much. It's the bunny you wanna watch out for. Thankies for your nice comments!

And that's it! Although, that phrasing might be a bit wrong... NINETEEN REVIEWS! DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY THAT IS? ALMOST TWENTY! NINETEEN! (dies)

**Legolas: **Yay! She died! (does the happy dance)

**Willowwind: **(springs back to life) Yes. When I get weird, he does too. Thank you sooooo much for all of your reviews! My head size tripled about five times in reading them! (is still attempting to squish it back down to normal) I can only hope this chapter lives up to the glory of the last one. Now, Legolas, do the disclaimer.

**Legolas: **She doesn't own anything except Bakura-bunny. And she doesn't even own its name. So there. And the warnings have not changed. If you are reading this and don't know what the warnings are, THEN GET BACK TO CHAPTER ONE!

**Willowwind: **Be nice, Legolas. ROLL FIC!

_**The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great**_

**Chapter Fifteen**

"...What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"...Do you need a response?"

I glared at Kaiba. We were still locked in the room. Yami had started mumbling something about mushrooms while poking a spot on the wall, Mokuba had gone back to running around in circles, speaking so fast that no one could catch anything he said, I was trying to hack into the computer in the room, and Kaiba was standing around being useless. And annoying.

"I'm TRYING to get into their computer so we can figure out how to get out of here, of course!"

"...Oh, and I suppose it never occurred to you to turn the computer ON first."

"Yes, as a matter of fact, it did. I'm trying to find out how!"

"...You're wiggling the mouse around."

"...You never know..."

Kaiba rolled his eyes and poked a button. Instantly, the computer began to boot up. "You've never been on a computer before, have you?"

"Yes, I have! But it was already on!"

"And what made you think that moving the mouse would turn it on?"

"The screen would go black like that sometimes, and if you moved the..." I tried to remember what Kaiba had called it, "mouse...then it would go!"

"That would be the screensaver. And now, if you don't mind, I'll take over, as I'm the only one who knows what I'm doing." He shoved me out of the way and took over.

"I'm the only one who speaks Egyptian, and that's most likely what their password is in!"

"We don't need a password. It logs in automatically."

"Why don't you stop bothering me and do something useful?"

"Why don't you take your own advice?"

I couldn't think of a reply, so I glared and stomped off. Sitting down, I grabbed my journal and a pen, and began to write.

OoOoOoO

_Kaiba's so mean. He thinks he knows what he's doing, but I bet he's gonna need a password. And then I won't give it to him. And then he'll ask the Pharaoh, and he'll have to type in 'mushroom' in Egyptian or something! And then I shall laugh! HA!_

_In the meantime, I really should do something about his little brother. The stupid kid is getting on my nerves...he's asking me for sugar now...NO I DO NOT HAVE ANY POCKY! LET GO OF MY BAT WINGS! THEY ARE NOT BUNNY EARS! GO AWAY! _

_Now resisting urge to either throttle him or send him to the Shadow Realm. Or possibly both. Hmm... _

_Good. He left. Now he's bothering Yami. And now Yami is screaming about paper in Egyptian. The _**noise**_... Maybe I should send MYSELF to the Shadow Realm. It's quiet there...dead boring, though. _

_So, here is my new plan: Wait for Kaiba to figure out how to get us out of here - or better yet, figure out myself and leave them all - then get out and run very far away from Ryou. Probably find some sort of deserted shack I can take over the world in. Of course, I'd have to find Bakura-bunny. What? NO! I don't need his help...he just makes a good decoy. And can fit through places I can't. Very useful. So there. I just need to get away from Ryou before I'm stuck in the Ring for six months again. _

_So...new update on the situation...the Priest is trying to pry little Kaiba off of his leg, the Pharaoh is poking the wall again, the bunny is who-knows-where, and I am scheming. All is well. Oh, lovely. Kaiba got Mokuba off. Now he'll be running around again... _

_Mind on the situation at hand, though. Kaiba won't let me on the computer. I need to find a way o_

_SCRIBBLE_

_Get off of me, you imbecile with long hair! I DO NOT HAVE ANY SUGAR! Someone give this kid some Ritalin..._

_I have to go before anyone suspects I'm writing in a journal. _

OoOoOoO

Two pairs of amethyst eyes watched the screen closely. They were looking at the image from the security camera.

"I don't see much to worry about."

"Kaiba's booting up the computer, Yami..."

"And you know very well they won't find anything there but numerous links to that picture of Bakura and that bunny shaking hands."

"But what if they figure out how to hack through the barrier?"

"We'll deal with that if it happens. Which is doubtful, considering how stupid they've already proven themselves."

"Yami?"

"Have you any idea the amount of times they've looked straight at the directions out and missed it?"

"I suppose..."

"We have nothing to worry about."

OoOoOoO

Ryou glanced around for the umpteenth time, trying to find something that might lead him to his Yami, friend, and pet. Nothing.

"Are you _sure_ he was coming here?" Téa asked uncertainly.

"I'm certain that this is where he wanted to come. He probably moved on from here earlier."

Joey and Tristan were asking passers-by if they had seen anyone with really weird hair around here recently. After receiving several "Yeah, you" answers, they rejoined the other two, looking discouraged.

"Anything?"

"Nope."

"Well then, I guess we have no choice but to give up."

Téa crossed her arms. "I'm not deserting Yugi. Let's wait here for a while. Maybe someone will be able to help..."

"I hop-WAH!" Ryou yelled, jumping as he felt something bite his leg. He whirled around, and saw a small black rabbit staring up at him with pink eyes. "Bakura!" The white-haired teen grabbed his pet and hugged it tightly.

"Hey, look! It's got a note!" Tristan grabbed the slip of paper from Bakura-bunny and read it to the group.

"_The bunny can lead you to where we're being kept. Kindly get your moronic friends away from me before I'm driven completely insane. Kaiba._"

Eyebrows were raised. "Kaiba's with them?"

Ryou shrugged and put Bakura-bunny down again. "Can you lead us to them?" The bunny nodded, and led them away.

OoOoOoO

_New update: Mokuba is twirling the chair Kaiba's sitting in around in circles...and, for once, I'm glad the kid's here. Kaiba was giving a rather suspicious evil laugh before that...the Pharaoh is still poking the wall, but talking about daffodils now. I'm starting to fear for my sanity..._

_What am I talking about? That's been gone for years! _

_I hope Bakura-bunny gets back here soon...I want OUT! I MAY BE STUCK IN THE RING FOR YEARS, BUT AT LEAST I'LL BE ALONE! _

_Must go. Little Kaiba just got bored of tormenting his brother..._

OoOoOoO

A short while later, Kaiba finished whatever he was doing. I hovered behind him while he attempted to read the Egyptian characters on the document he had found.

I poked him in the arm. "My turn, Kaiba." Grudgingly, he shifted over, and I scanned the page.

"Anything useful?"

I smirked. "Only for me. These are his world domination plans." As I had seen Ryou do many times, I pressed the little print icon at the top of the screen, and a sheet ejected itself from the machine beside me.

"And how do we get out of here?"

"I don't know! You found that page, not me!"

"That's the only thing on this computer, besides a whole bunch of links to you shaking hands with that little bunny!"

"Well, I can't help..." His words sunk in. "What?"

The smirk was back. "I'll show you." He closed the document, and I noticed the background of the screen was completely covered in links...or, rather, one link leading to the same page. He clicked on one, and an internet window popped up...

And there was the picture.

"Uh...that's...fake...I didn't..."

"Right..."

"Do you honestly think that _I_ would..." I stopped as I heard a funny grating noise behind me.

Yami was standing next to a hole in the wall, that had apparently just opened, gibbering incoherently and pointing to a sign on the wall.

A fire exit sign. Written in both Japanese and Egyptian.

Mokuba bounced over to it and read it. "In case of fire, walk five paces to the left of this sign, and poke the wall 782 times. The escape will open up." He stared at it, and then burst out laughing, and fell over.

Yami was looking _way_ too proud of himself.

OoOoOoO

Malik watched in alarm as the wall opened. "Yami! They're getting away! And Bakura has our plans!"

"What?" Yami Malik rushed over to the screen, in time to see the four people in the room exit.

"What should we do now, Yami?"

Yami Malik stayed silent for a while, thinking. Then... "Just let them go."

"But Yami, our plans..."

"Our plans depended upon their help. That's what we need to change. We need a plan that requires only us."

"...I suppose."

"Don't sound so disappointed. This isn't a defeat. It's a lesson."

OoOoOoO

Out on the lawn, directly in between a patch of mushrooms and a flower bed covered in daffodils, a trapdoor opened. Me and my company emerged, and Yami pointed next to us, looking proud again. "Mushroom."

We all sweatdropped.

The sound of running feet came behind us, and we all whirled around. There, looking very mad indeed, was my hikari.

Oh no...

"BAKURA!"

"...Yes, Ryou?"

"Explain. Now."

"Er...yes...well...you see...is that a plane?" I began to sprint, speeding up as I heard Ryou run after me. Something hit me on the side of the head, so I looked back, and the last thing I saw before I was forced into the ring was my hikari, wielding a banana.

OoOoOoO

**Willowwind: **...Well...that sucked.

**Legolas: **I couldn't agree more.

**Willowwind: **And it was way too short.

**Legolas: **...Our opinion differs there.

**Willowwind: **Meh. I've noticed a pattern...every funny chapter is followed by a not-so-funny one. And last one...well...that explains it!

**Legolas: **...You're not really making sense, you know.

**Willowwind: **That's okay. I never do. And I'm SO sorry for the time it took to update this...I had major writer's block, and whenever I got a plot bunny, someone would kick me off the computer, and then I couldn't write...I've been working slowly but steadily on this for about two months now. So I have not forgotten about this.

**Legolas: **(smile) She's finally figured out when she's gonna end this thing!

**Willowwind:** Yes, actually. 20 chapters. Nice and round. And then...there will most likely be a sequel. I have a few plot bunnies for it already.

**Legolas: **No... (dies)

**Willowwind: **'Ey, none of that!

**Legolas: **Why? WHY CAN YOU NEVER LET ME REST IN PEACE?

**Willowwind: **Shh. Now REVIEW, people! Even though it sucked! And flames will be used to toast marshmallows for s'mores for another one of my fics that you should all read! Bye! (goes poof)


	16. Chapter 16

**--**Authoress Prenote: In case you were wondering why I haven't been updating for years…I gots into trouble with my parents, and have had my computer privileges revoked until summer. Knowing you guys will kill me if I wait that long to update, I have recruited my good friend **Waffles4eva**. I'll write chapters at school and type 'em up and sneak on school computers to send them to her, and she'll update for me. So go review her stuff to say thank you.--

**Willowwind: **I. Do not. Believe it.

**Legolas: **Join the club.

**Willowwind: **TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS! _TWO HUNDRED!_

**Legolas: **Whatever. Please stop yelling at the computer.

**Willowwind: **MAKE ME!

**Legolas: **Okay. (gags **Willowwind**)

**Willowwind: **Hmph. (gag goes poof) You forgot the authoress powers again, dear muse. Anyhoo...two hundred andten reviews, to be specific. Not too shabby... And I'm fighting the mad desire to give an evil hamster laugh.

**Nachzes: **(appears) I wanna hear! Do it!

**Willowwind: **Maybe later. (makes **Nachzes** disappear) So...reviews!

_Reviews_:

**Bakura-star-Ryou-cutie: **I don't use the flames to cook mushrooms because I don't LIKE cooked mushrooms, of course. And...looking back, it wasn't so bad. I just thought it stunk the first go-round. But then, I've thought that about all the chapters. Except number fourteen. Thank you muchly for reviewing, yesh. AND MUCHLY AND YESH ARE BOTH WORDS, YOU EVIL SPELL-CHECKER OF DOOM!

**Waffles4eva: **Blah, I need more ideas for this ficcy. Five more chapters to go and all. And believe me, they shall be five very STRANGE chapters... I has an idea. Yesh.

**Thief-Joelle:** You can't wait? Well, that's bad, considering the fact that this thing refuses to be updated. (glares at dead plot bunnies) Thanks for reviewing, by the way.

**person: **Steak, you say? Hmm...I may just use that. Or maybe a pineapple. Ouch. And I would be very much obliged if you didn't kill the other reviewers...bad for business, y'know. Feel free to disable them as much as you like, though. Oh, and beta-ing is reading over someone else's work and fixing grammar and spelling and the like before they post it.

**Computerfreak101: **Having a big head feels funny...it makes me top-heavy. On the other hand, it would make standing on one's head far simpler. Thank you muchly for the review!

**Pointe Master: **(hides behind Legolas) I have the next chappie! DON'T KILL ME!

**Nachzes Black-Rider: **Erm...considering the fact that ancient Egyptian is kind of a dying language...my realm's Seto can't speak it. Maybe yours can. And maybe he can read Arabic...what does that have to do with anything? Oh, yes, and sorry for making you appear in the ANs. It just fit...

**Bella The Unicorn: **Danke schön, meine freundin. Ich spreche keine Spanisch – ich spreche Deutsch. (Oh, German, go me!) That looks very funny if you put it in Google translator, yes...but it gets most of it. I love foreign languages...

AriNekoGoMu: Interesting name. I really don't care how late your reviews are – they're always appreciated. And I _can't_ make it longer than 20 chapters...I'm running out of ideas! Plus, this'll be the first story more than ten pages long that I actually finished... 

**My Seto:** Yes, it WAS way too short. Unfortunately, I'm not very gifted when it comes to writing long chapters. My attention span isn't that long... And Yami went insane a LONG time ago.

**bakura's soulmate:** Oh, I'll ALWAYS update again. It may take me EONS, but I'm far too stubborn to just up and leave. Have no fear. Or maybe...have very much fear. Yes. (cackle)

**Shikyo666: **(head inflates again) Nyar! (squishes head down to normal size) Thank you very muchly for your reviews!

**Mithrilsword Magechild: **I don't know...where _did_ Ryou get a banana? It shall forever remain a mystery... Thanks for reviewing!

**raven-foreverdark: **(embarrassed) Well...I'm glad you like it...

**AssaianQueen: **Well, I WOULD write them down, but my plot bunnies for this fic just don't like paper... And I has a habit of losing papers, too. Yes, there will be a sequel, and that'll probably come in the summer sometime (provided, of course, I finish this thing by then).

**Anime WarriorSkye: **Thank you very muchly. (bows)

**PUNX13: **YAY FOR PICCOLOS! I SHALL TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH THEM BY BLOWING EVERYONE'S EARDRUMS OFF:D

**Bakura-N-Me: **So...many...compliments... (head swells so big it explodes) THANK YOU!

**Willowwind: **And that be it! Lots and lots of sugarful stuff to reviewers! Do the disclaimer, Legolas!

**Legolas: **(sigh) She owns nothing but the insanity and the plot bunny. And she wishes to warn all readers that if very OOC characters, kitchen implements of doom, and/or extreme cuteness offends them, they may not like this fic. In which case...WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT CHAPTER SIXTEEN, YOU IDIOTS?

_**The Secret Journal of Bakura the Great**_

**Chapter Sixteen  
**  
_Day Thirty-Seven of my Imprisonment in the Ring_

_...Ryou's very moody, you know? I do ONE LITTLE THING wrong, and he's instantly blowing up at me. But he's nice to everyone else, so he's obviously not always mean... Ack! WHAT IF HE'S A GIRL? NOOOOOOOO, I DON'T WANT TO BE REINCARNATED AS A GIRL! AND HE EVEN HAS A HIGH SQUEAKY SORT OF VOICE! SAVE ME! _

_Oh, wait. If he was a girl, then he'd be a girl, wouldn't he? But he's not a girl, so then he can't be a girl. 'Cause girls are usually girls. I think. ...Quiet, you stupid pathetic mortal book of unprecedented DOOM. No, wait a second. You're not mortal, because you were never alive. Except when you were a tree. HA! YOU WERE A TREE! I laugh at you. MUAHAHA! And your doom was precedented. By me. And if precedented isn't a word, it should be. _

_What d'you mean, I've had this same rant for the last twenty-nine days? I SO HAVE NOT. I've been writing about INTELLIGENT stuff, the likes of which you have no HOPE of comprehending._

_I have a new plan for dominating the world! All I have to do is steal Marik's Rod, and take control of everybody in the world. And then I'll be ruler. I WIN! It's so simple and brilliant...now the only problem is getting out of here, getting to Malik's place, finding the Rod, and stealing it, without being caught and maimed by Marik, Malik, or my hikari._

_...I'm bored. I'm gonna go look through Ryou's eyes._

OoOoOoO

I was in Ryou's school, in one of the classrooms. There were some notes written on the board, but, as they weren't in Egyptian, I couldn't read them. Ryou then looked down, and I burst out laughing when I saw what was on his desk.

An EYEBALL!

...Pretty big eyeball, too...

**Ryou?**

_Oh, not you again. What is it now?_

**Is that a HUMAN eyeball? **

_No. Idiot. It's a cow eye._

**Why do you have a cow eye? **

_He didn't respond immediately, as he was busy getting something from the teacher. I stared at the object in his hand...a big, round, metal rod, ending in a little blade._

**Ooh, knives. Can I play with them when you're done? **

_No! Bakura, I'm trying to learn here. Why don't you go write in that moronic journal of yours?_

**I got bored of that. What're you gonna do with that knife?**

_If you really want to watch, you can._ Strange, Ryou's side of the link felt a little...queasy.

**Ryou? What's going on? **

Shh. Ryou's teacher got up in front of the class. "Alright, everyone, you may begin."

Ryou looked down at the eye.

He reached out with a gloved hand and held the eye steady.

Then he took the metal knife-on-a-stick and cut the eye open.

**EEEEWWWWWW! What are you doing to that eye? **

_I'm dissecting it, of course. This is Biology class._

**Gross...what's that thing there? **

_What, this?_ He carefully removed a round, flat, jelly-looking thing from the eye. _It's a lens._

**Is it food? It looks like that Jello stuff you sometimes eat... **

_It's only food if you're REALLY weird, and have a death wish._

**Ooh... **I immediately began thinking of all the ways I could use something deadly that looked edible. **Why's it deadly?**

_...You can't have it, Bakura._

**Aww, why not? **

_Because I don't trust you with anything that's been anywhere NEAR formaldehyde._

**...Even if I promise not to feed it to any of your friends? **

_No._

**...How about if I promise not to feed it to you? **

_GO AWAY!_

I skittered back into my soulroom...because I wanted to write about my observances in my journal, of course.

OoOoOoO

A crumpled piece of paper flew through the air, landing on a growing pile of similar pieces.

"Yami, all our plans are too easy to stop. Bakura and his group are in the way...they'll oppose us if we try anything that's not very subtle."

"We just need to hide the fact that it's us who are behind it. If we can accomplish that, victory will be ours. And, thankfully, we are able to make others do our will."

"...You want to use the rod?"

"But of course."

"I don't really think that'll fool Bakura or his team. You can see it...in the eyes..."

"We just need to use it on someone who he wouldn't question."

"Like...someone he's afraid of?"

"Yes. And I believe there happens to be one person alive who fits that description."

"...That may work."

OoOoOoO

_Hmph. Why can't I ever do fun stuff like dissecting eyes? And Ryou didn't even want to! That lens looked fun...so many uses for such a little jelly-like object... One, you could convince someone it was Jello and feed it to them, and kill them. Which would be a useful ploy in my take-over of the world. It also looks squishy. It would be fun to squish._

_In other news, nothing has been said of the incident when me and Kaiba and mini-Kaiba and Pharaoh-baka were kidnapped. The midget-smiley seems to have taken over for the Pharaoh, who is probably still insane. Kaiba is acting as though nothing happened, although this sort of thing probably happens to him every other week. I haven't seen mini-Kaiba since that time, so I can't tell about him. But the kidnapping didn't seem to affect him very much, either._

_...I just got a brilliant idea. Yugi probably has Yami locked in his soulroom...so if I could figure out a way to break out of MY soulroom...I could go torment him! I'd make sure he went so insane, he'd be kept in his soulroom forever! And then, without him in the way, I'd TAKE OVER THE WORLD!_

_...I'd say I have my new plan. Now, what obstacles could I run into? ...Ah, yes. Malik and his Yami will definitely try to stop me._

_Something's been bothering me, actually...will Yami Malik and Malik keep lying low? Well, they're so stupid, they probably couldn't think of anything good to do...dumb blonds. (A/N: No offense is meant to anyone at that comment. I happen to be considered blonde myself. Now, conscience, can I get back to the story?)_

_...NO! I'M NOT BLOND! IT'S WHITE! WHITE, I SAY! NOT white blond. Just...white. Yeah._

_OF COURSE I'M OLD! I'M 5000 YEARS OLD, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!_

_...Leave my face out of this, if you like YOUR face!_

_Yes, that DID make sense. You're just too stupid to get it. And no, I DON'T care that you're a book. Or that you don't have a face._

_Ugh. I'm talking to you again. I need to go find something to do before I go even more insane than I already am. I'm not sure that's possible, but one can never be too careful._

OoOoOoO

I scanned around my soulroom, looking for anything that might relieve my imminent boredom. The only thing I saw was a small white bag...

Better than nothing, I decided. Sitting next to it, I grabbed it and opened it up. Inside was some white, grainy stuff. Salt, maybe? I tasted it – it didn't TASTE like salt. Much sweeter. And more addictive. And I began to feel a strange amount of energy well up inside me….

OoOoOoO

**Willowwind: **There you have it! More insanity! WHEE! (bounces off walls)

**Legolas: **(muttering) Only four chapters to go...

**Willowwind: **Sadly, yes. But, as a preview for the next chapter…IN WHICH RYOU IS FORCED TO DEAL WITH BAKURA'S SUGAR-HIGH AND IN WHICH BAKURA GOES BABYSITTING! AND IN WHICH MALIK AND HIS YAMI BEGIN THEIR NEW PLAN! AND OTHER SUCH PLOTLESS NONSENSE! And now, as a special treat, I shall have my hamster, Emily, write you all a message!

**EmilytheHamster: **(start)(if fanfiction didn't have its way, about 20 spaces would be here)(end)

**Willowwind: **She can press the space bar all by herself! (beams) She's so cute!

**Legolas: **(mutter) Little rat.

**Willowwind:** (gasp) How dare you! EMMY! SIC' 'IM! (watches EmilytheHamster chase Legolas in circles) Now, I feel the need to advertise some fics that don't get NEAR enough attention on here. All of them by **Waffles4eva**. Titled: _Amusing for Inspiration, Wherever you Go, _and the side-fic type thing, _It's My Move. _They have something for everyone...humour, the fluffy sort of romance, and some angst. Yes. YOU ALL MUST GO READ IT! And in case you were wondering, the romance pairing is SetoXOC. And no, it's NOT a Mary-Sue. Yes. So review before you leave, and then go read her stuff! Besides, you must thank her for updating for me. And you should all review CC, which only the first chapter is posted of because it hasn't received enough reviews yet to make it more important than our numerous other commitments. (beginning to wonder why she's using huge words like she does in English essays) GO REVIEW! NOW!

--Authoress postnote: At the time when I wrote this, EmilytheHamster was still with us. Unfortunately, I left her in the care of my little siblings for a week, and although she was taken care of by them, she didn't live to see me again. Currently, EmilytheHamster is in Hamster heaven, and her body is rotting in a landfill somewhere. A moment of silence, please. (Moment of Silence) Now, I wish to introduce my new little helper, ApriltheHamster. She'll be taking Emmy's role.--


End file.
